It’s Mother’s Day this month, and I want to write about something that concerns all mothers, post pregnancy weight. It seems to me that everyone judges mothers, whether they stay at home or work, how they discipline their kids, what their kids eat, and even how they look during and after pregnancy.
When I was young, I was always skinny, toothpick skinny. My mom always said it was because I had bronchitis twice when I was a baby. By the time I came back from Michigan after 2 years of university though, my own mother did not recognise me! My sister told me that she pointed me out to my mom while waiting to pick me up at the arrival lounge at the airport, "Look Mummy, that's ka-cheh" and my mother, my own mother actually replied "No-lah, so fat, that's not her!" Hey, a girl, especially a girl from Malaysia with tropical weather, needs a layer of fat to protect her from the cold, harsh winters in Michigan ok? Multiple layers of fat, in my case!
Thankfully, back in Malaysia, the heat just made me sweat all the fat away. But the damage was done...I knew that I had fat cells just waiting to balloon back into service.
To be honest, I was rather concern about putting on weight during pregnancy. I mean, women on average put on 11 – 15 kg of weight during pregnancy! That’s 25 % of my actual weight. How do women lose 25% of their body weight? But it can be done, I have seen many of my friends miraculously lose their pregnancy weight to become their gorgeous selves again.
Even before I got pregnant, I found it interesting to see how women’s bodies changed to accommodate the life they were carrying. Just like all women come in different shapes and sizes, there are even more variations for pregnant women. I have met tiny, skinny women who barely looked 2 months pregnant when they were actually 7 months pregnant (I know, I wouldn’t have believed this if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, but it’s a true story, but, unfortunately not myself), thin women whose only body changes was a neat basketball bump with toothpick arms and legs, previously thin women whose bodies ballooned all over and put on more than 50% of their original weight (they must have felt really uncomfortable, especially in their last trimester), women who were overweight and then lost weight while they were pregnant, women who developed huge bumps and looked ready to deliver long before their 3rd trimester, etc. It’s amazing what a woman’s body can do, to support a growing life. And most of the time, the mothers-to-be have no control over how their body behaves. Some women put on weight even when they eat miniscule amounts, and some hardly tip the scales despite eating 6 full meals a day.
For me, in the beginning I lost weight, due to severe morning sickness. I even spoke to my doctor about it, I was so concerned that the baby didn’t have enough nutrients to grow. But somehow, nature helps the baby, the baby can grow, even as the mother loses weight. Luckily, in the middle of my 2nd trimester, my morning sickness went away and my appetite came back. After that, my weight gain was gradual and I tried to eat as healthily and moderately as possible, indulging in my newly developed sweet tooth about 3 times a week. This was easy because my office was attached to a shopping mall, and there were endless yummy possibilities of ice cream, cakes, waffles, crepes, yoghurt, bagels. At the end of my pregnancy, I had put on 12 kg, which was within the normal weight gain range. Most people remarked that my bump was relatively small, and this was probably due to Xuan being smaller than average (2.75kg) and me having reduced amniotic fluid. Towards the end however, I felt no different from other pregnant women, it was difficult to find a comfortable position to sleep, I felt heavy, tired and got easily short of breath.
After delivery, I had secretly hoped that I wuld go back to my pre-pregnancy size and weight. I was not naive, my friends had cautioned me that I would still look at least 4 months pregnant, but still...you hear about celebrities like Nicole Kidman who looked as slim as ever wearing a slinky evening gown 2 months after giving birth. A woman can hope right? Reality bites however, I was dismayed to find my tummy still resembling a basketball after delivery, although deflated basketball, it was worse in a way, with all the wobbly leftover bits. My weight had not shifted much either, I only weighed 5 kg less. It did not make sense to me, you mean after putting on 12 kg, the baby and the odds and ends only added up to 5kg? That’s less than 50% of my pregnancy weight! And that means I still have another 7 kg to lose, in addition to the wobbly bits that’s all ME! I couldn’t imagine losing that 7kg and shedding and tightening my deflated basketball to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes, no wonder women get post-natal depression.
When I was pregnant, total strangers would comment on how I looked – pale, tired, my bump (small, neat, high), my spreading ass, you name it. It didn’t stop after I delivered either. Four days after I delivered Xuan, I was at the hospital lobby waiting for H to pick me up after visiting Xuan, who was readmitted for jaundice when an elderly lady sitting across from me asked me how many months pregnant I was! I told her that I just delivered my baby four days ago, and she still had the gall to comment “Oh, but you still looked pregnant!” I didn’t know what to say, so I just gave her a sheepish smile. Then the lady continued “When I delivered my own 2 boys, my stomach became flat immediately!” Thankfully, H showed up right at that moment and I made my escape. To my surprise, over the following 4 – 5 months of sleep deprivation, breastfeeding and taking care of Xuan, I did slowly shed off the 7 kg and an additional 2 kg on top of that.
It’s amazing, after a woman’s body goes through tremendous changes during pregnancy, equally amazing changes happen after delivery. While some women do not go back to their original sizes, many women do, and some even end up thinner and more flat-chested. Some have upgraded boobs, some fuller bottoms, but all of them have larger hearts, to hold the joy and precious child they have brought into this world. And this, I think, is what is special about mothers. Despite knowing what our bodies and self-esteem have to go through during pregnancy and post-pregnancy, we would do it all over again. Just to hold our babies within our bodies, and later, in our arms, is worth it.
To remember my 1st Mother’s Day as a mother, below is a video clip of Xuan babbling. I think her voice is the sweetest sound in the world, I never get bored of hearing it!
Month 5 Milestones:
Weight – 6.4 kg
Height - 63 cm
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