Our Little Rainbow: Month 1: Confinement Month

For the Chinese, the first month after delivery is called the month of confinement for the mother. During this month, the mother’s health is considered weak and she needs to have plenty of rest, eat special types of food to build up her strength and refrain from bathing, washing hair and touching too much water. Usually, families will hire an elderly lady (Confinement Lady) who specialises in taking care of the baby day and night, and cook special food for the mother to help her recover from labour.

We have also hired a confinement lady for a month. After the rocky start to my confinement due to a disagreement with the Confinement Lady over feeding Xuan the first night, we still have a few bumps to weather. After Xuan came home again, I noticed the Confinement Lady using wet wipes to clean her bottom during diaper changes. Due to the alcohol and chemicals on the wet wipes, I preferred to use wet cotton wipes. When I told the Confinement Lady this, she made some off-hand remark to dismiss me. When H came home, I told him what happened and he had a stern discussion with the Confinement Lady and instructed her to follow whatever I say. It seemed the Confinement Lady had some respect for H, after that, things started to improve and I started to enjoy the rest of my confinement. H being firm with the Confinement Lady was the best reaction, as he made me feel loved and valued as Xuan’s mother.

One of the dreaded aspects of confinement is the part where the new mother is not allowed to bathe or wash her hair. Different families and Confinement Ladies follow this differently. I had heard of a family that was so strict, the poor mother could not bathe or wash her hair for one month. I shudder to think of the mother’s hygiene, she must have been afraid to carry her own baby! Some of my friends would secretly bathe and wash their hair at the hospital before they go home, as their Confinement Lady would most probably not let them bathe and wash their hair for a while. For myself, thankfully I was allowed to bathe every day, in boiled warm water infused with special herbs. Some mothers could only bathe every alternate day. I was only allowed to wash my hair after 3 weeks. This part I found difficult, although I had cut my hair shorter in anticipation for this, the hot weather still made this hard to weather (pun intended). After 10 days, I was desperate enough try a type of dry shampoo. This shampoo is a powder that works to absorb the grease from the scalp and then you dust off the powder without using water. This worked well enough, but nothing beats a refreshing wash.

One of the things I loved about confinement was the food. And my Confinement Lady was an exceptionally good cook. I loved the gingery and sweet wine chicken, the sweet and tart pork trotters in black vinegar, the aromatic sesame oil and ginger pork...yum yum. She also boiled a lot of nutritious soup for me to drink. All the special food prepared during confinement is suppose to help the mother recover her health. That said, there are also lots of food that the mother has to avoid, these foods are considered windy, or poisonous, or just detrimental to the mother’s health.

Another aspect I enjoyed about my confinement was the massage session with a Malay lady I hired. She would come to our house and give me a full body massage with special hot stone treatment for the tummy and womb areas. The belief is that the hot stone massage would help remove “wind” from the tummy and womb areas and help the new mother regain her figure. The massage lady also used the hot stones on my back and I found this really relaxing and soothing. I am not sure if the massage really helps regain pre-pregnancy figure, but it is definitely good for the new mother’s soul and well-being. The massage lady also binded me with a cloth corset, also for the purpose of helping new mothers regain their figures. She told me that Malay women would bind themselves for 24 hours everyday, for 40 days. The corset covered me from under the bust to the top of my thighs. I could barely move and had to sit right at the edge of the chair. I could barely suffer through the 2 – 3 hours I kept the corset on as it was so restrictive and tight. I cannot imagine how the Malay mothers could wear this day and night while taking care of their baby!

For the two weeks after Xuan was discharged from the hospital for jaundice, we continued to supplement breastmilk with formula. We asked the Confinement Lady to feed her formula with a spoon as we were afraid Xuan would get nipple confusion. Slowly, my breastmilk supply increased and by the 4th week, we stopped giving her formula. As mentioned, most Confinement Ladies prefer to feed babies formula as this keeps the baby fuller and helps the baby sleep longer. Knowing this, I was afraid to rest and let the Confinement Lady take care of Xuan during the day. I was afraid that the Confinement Lady would feed her formula when she was hungry instead of bringing her to me. I kept Xuan upstairs with me most of the time, playing with her, feeding her and putting her to sleep. In retrospect perhaps I should have taken the opportunity to rest and sleep, afterall that is what a new mother needs most of all, and this was the service we were paying the Confinement Lady for.

But I loved having Xuan with me, it was like having the best present all to myself in our bedroom. I relished gazing at her sweet face, playing with her little fingers and tiny toes, hearing her coo, studying her delicate features in minute detail, running my finger down the bridge of her nose, the curve of a smile on her rosebud mouth, her smooth cheeks, touching her soft curls, inhaling her baby scent, and feeling the rise and fall of her breathing chest while she slept. There was nothing more fascinating to me than our baby Xuan.

When H came home from work, we would keep Xuan with us as H wanted to spend time with her. He was equally fascinated with Xuan as I was. After dinner, we would bring her to our room to talk and play with her. After she fell asleep, we would whisper and marvel over her for a couple of hours before we carried her back to her room and put her in her cot. In the night, when she woke up the Confinement Lady would bring her to me to feed, and once she was asleep I would put her back into her cot.

The first time I bathed Xuan, I was really nervous as I was afraid I would hurt her or drop her! Although I has watched the Confinement Lady bathe her for 3 weeks, actually doing it was different. It didn’t help that Xuan cried throughout the whole process...and right at the end, after I lifted her out of the bathtub and wrapped her in her towel, Xuan did a poo on me! At this point, the Confinement Lady had to take over and I had to take a bath too!

When Xuan was 19 days old, we celebrated Chinese New Year together as a family for the first time. Usually, for Chinese New Year, we would go to my in-laws’ place, but this year we stayed in our own home and celebrated with my mom and sister, as I was still under confinement. During the confinement month, the mother and baby are not allowed to leave the house. We still felt the festive atmosphere and had lots of friends and relatives visit us to see the baby. My very talented sister took lots of photos of Xuan, featuring very well her various moods: