It’s Mother’s Day this month, and I want to write about something that concerns all mothers, post pregnancy weight. It seems to me that everyone judges mothers, whether they stay at home or work, how they discipline their kids, what their kids eat, and even how they look during and after pregnancy.
When I was young, I was always skinny, toothpick skinny. My mom always said it was because I had bronchitis twice when I was a baby. By the time I came back from Michigan after 2 years of university though, my own mother did not recognise me! My sister told me that she pointed me out to my mom while waiting to pick me up at the arrival lounge at the airport, "Look Mummy, that's ka-cheh" and my mother, my own mother actually replied "No-lah, so fat, that's not her!" Hey, a girl, especially a girl from Malaysia with tropical weather, needs a layer of fat to protect her from the cold, harsh winters in Michigan ok? Multiple layers of fat, in my case!
Thankfully, back in Malaysia, the heat just made me sweat all the fat away. But the damage was done...I knew that I had fat cells just waiting to balloon back into service.
To be honest, I was rather concern about putting on weight during pregnancy. I mean, women on average put on 11 – 15 kg of weight during pregnancy! That’s 25 % of my actual weight. How do women lose 25% of their body weight? But it can be done, I have seen many of my friends miraculously lose their pregnancy weight to become their gorgeous selves again.
Even before I got pregnant, I found it interesting to see how women’s bodies changed to accommodate the life they were carrying. Just like all women come in different shapes and sizes, there are even more variations for pregnant women. I have met tiny, skinny women who barely looked 2 months pregnant when they were actually 7 months pregnant (I know, I wouldn’t have believed this if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, but it’s a true story, but, unfortunately not myself), thin women whose only body changes was a neat basketball bump with toothpick arms and legs, previously thin women whose bodies ballooned all over and put on more than 50% of their original weight (they must have felt really uncomfortable, especially in their last trimester), women who were overweight and then lost weight while they were pregnant, women who developed huge bumps and looked ready to deliver long before their 3rd trimester, etc. It’s amazing what a woman’s body can do, to support a growing life. And most of the time, the mothers-to-be have no control over how their body behaves. Some women put on weight even when they eat miniscule amounts, and some hardly tip the scales despite eating 6 full meals a day.
For me, in the beginning I lost weight, due to severe morning sickness. I even spoke to my doctor about it, I was so concerned that the baby didn’t have enough nutrients to grow. But somehow, nature helps the baby, the baby can grow, even as the mother loses weight. Luckily, in the middle of my 2nd trimester, my morning sickness went away and my appetite came back. After that, my weight gain was gradual and I tried to eat as healthily and moderately as possible, indulging in my newly developed sweet tooth about 3 times a week. This was easy because my office was attached to a shopping mall, and there were endless yummy possibilities of ice cream, cakes, waffles, crepes, yoghurt, bagels. At the end of my pregnancy, I had put on 12 kg, which was within the normal weight gain range. Most people remarked that my bump was relatively small, and this was probably due to Xuan being smaller than average (2.75kg) and me having reduced amniotic fluid. Towards the end however, I felt no different from other pregnant women, it was difficult to find a comfortable position to sleep, I felt heavy, tired and got easily short of breath.
After delivery, I had secretly hoped that I wuld go back to my pre-pregnancy size and weight. I was not naive, my friends had cautioned me that I would still look at least 4 months pregnant, but still...you hear about celebrities like Nicole Kidman who looked as slim as ever wearing a slinky evening gown 2 months after giving birth. A woman can hope right? Reality bites however, I was dismayed to find my tummy still resembling a basketball after delivery, although deflated basketball, it was worse in a way, with all the wobbly leftover bits. My weight had not shifted much either, I only weighed 5 kg less. It did not make sense to me, you mean after putting on 12 kg, the baby and the odds and ends only added up to 5kg? That’s less than 50% of my pregnancy weight! And that means I still have another 7 kg to lose, in addition to the wobbly bits that’s all ME! I couldn’t imagine losing that 7kg and shedding and tightening my deflated basketball to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes, no wonder women get post-natal depression.
When I was pregnant, total strangers would comment on how I looked – pale, tired, my bump (small, neat, high), my spreading ass, you name it. It didn’t stop after I delivered either. Four days after I delivered Xuan, I was at the hospital lobby waiting for H to pick me up after visiting Xuan, who was readmitted for jaundice when an elderly lady sitting across from me asked me how many months pregnant I was! I told her that I just delivered my baby four days ago, and she still had the gall to comment “Oh, but you still looked pregnant!” I didn’t know what to say, so I just gave her a sheepish smile. Then the lady continued “When I delivered my own 2 boys, my stomach became flat immediately!” Thankfully, H showed up right at that moment and I made my escape. To my surprise, over the following 4 – 5 months of sleep deprivation, breastfeeding and taking care of Xuan, I did slowly shed off the 7 kg and an additional 2 kg on top of that.
It’s amazing, after a woman’s body goes through tremendous changes during pregnancy, equally amazing changes happen after delivery. While some women do not go back to their original sizes, many women do, and some even end up thinner and more flat-chested. Some have upgraded boobs, some fuller bottoms, but all of them have larger hearts, to hold the joy and precious child they have brought into this world. And this, I think, is what is special about mothers. Despite knowing what our bodies and self-esteem have to go through during pregnancy and post-pregnancy, we would do it all over again. Just to hold our babies within our bodies, and later, in our arms, is worth it.
To remember my 1st Mother’s Day as a mother, below is a video clip of Xuan babbling. I think her voice is the sweetest sound in the world, I never get bored of hearing it!
Month 5 Milestones:
Weight – 6.4 kg
Height - 63 cm
Friday, April 23, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Month 4: Busting the Stay at Home Myth
I have started the 1st month of my 6 month unpaid leave from work to stay at home and take care of my baby girl. Somehow, this was not what I imagined staying at home would be like, September seems really far away, and I already want to go back to work!
It’s 3pm and I am still in my pajamas, I can’t remember if I brushed my teeth or washed my face this morning. Xuan, on the other hand, already had 3 diaper changes, 2 of them were diaper explosions rivalling the bombing of Hiroshima (certainly the stench was toxic) and required complete wardrobe change. It’s amazing how much poop can come out of a little human being. Aside from feeding her and changing her, the only other things I have managed to do today is make the bed and wash the breakfast and lunch dishes. I didn’t even cook my own lunch, my mom brought lunch for me. Luckily for me, H doesn’t expect me to cook dinner for us either, just thinking about that makes me feel faint! Staying at home is the most intense job ever, even at work I would have 5 minutes to go to the toilet in peace.
Oh yes, speaking of peeing, peeing might seem the most simple thing in the world to do, but I find it nerve wrecking trying to sneak off, do the deed and come back without the baby noticing I’m gone. And she always, notices I am not with her. Although I can hold pee or pee really slowly, like what they ask you to do for Kegel exercises, no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to pee faster when the baby wails. You would think exercises to pee faster, rather than holding your pee would be more useful as a mother. And what about number two? Trust me, you would rather not know.
This was not what I imagined staying at home would be like. I certainly thought I would be dressed, with fresh breath, reading, maybe surfing the net while Xuan slept. Not wide awake with exhausting but unable to sleep, hoping that the neighbour’s overly sensitive house alarm would trigger for the fourth time this afternoon so that Xuan would sleep another 15 minutes.
Naively, I thought that Xuan and I could go out shopping or hang out at a coffee place. Little did I know that just thinking about going out alone with Xuan, with only one pair of hands juggling the stroller (gigantic, dubbed “the Transformer” by my sister), a huge diaper bag, baby, house key to lock up the house, and car keys to start the car, would make me even more exhausted than I already was. Besides, now that I know better, I know it would be unlikely Xuan would sit quietly in her stroller looking at the her surroundings contently, while I sip a delicious, aromatic cup of hot coffee and read an up-to-date magazine. More likely, she would be screaming and I would be gulping down the scalding hot cup of tea (no coffee, since I am breastfeeding) and at the last minute I would spill the leftover tea I have no time to finish, over the said up-to-date magazine before escaping through the doors, bumping into chairs and tables enroute.
I pictured meeting up with friends over tea and cakes while our kids played together. Us mothers would chat indulgently about our babies accomplishments and share mothering tips. Only, I don’t really have many friends with babies the same age as Xuan. Besides, most of my mom friends are busy working, and would hardly have time for poor starved for adult conversation me. Unfortunately for me, we live in Malaysia, not in the United Kingdom, America, Australia or even Canada. In those countries, there are playgroups for children to play and mothers to meet. In Malaysia, the only playgroups for children are ones you have to pay to join. As you can imagine, spending most of my time alone at home with Xuan, makes me feel lonely and cut off from the real world. This was another aspect of being a stay at home mom I didn’t expect.
But still, I really admire stay at home moms. I don’t know many personally, the ones I know are other mothers who blog on the internet. Majority of the mom blogs I read have more than one child. And they manage marvellously, excel even, at motherhood, from the day to day things, doing the housework, finding time to stay up to date on current events, following other mom blogs, maintaining real life friendships and friendships through the internet, cooking dinner and most of all, capturing all the special times with their children and documenting them in eloquent words, posting pictures that capture that “ah” moments. Through them, I know that motherhood is not easy by any means, certainly it is mostly chaotic, but as long as we have a sense of humour, and immense love for our children, it is a journey through a rainbow, and at the end you will always find a pot of gold.
And this picture below, is my own humble attempt to capture some of my own memorable moments with my little rainbow.
Month 4 Milestones:
Weight - 5.8kg
Height - 60cm
It’s 3pm and I am still in my pajamas, I can’t remember if I brushed my teeth or washed my face this morning. Xuan, on the other hand, already had 3 diaper changes, 2 of them were diaper explosions rivalling the bombing of Hiroshima (certainly the stench was toxic) and required complete wardrobe change. It’s amazing how much poop can come out of a little human being. Aside from feeding her and changing her, the only other things I have managed to do today is make the bed and wash the breakfast and lunch dishes. I didn’t even cook my own lunch, my mom brought lunch for me. Luckily for me, H doesn’t expect me to cook dinner for us either, just thinking about that makes me feel faint! Staying at home is the most intense job ever, even at work I would have 5 minutes to go to the toilet in peace.
Oh yes, speaking of peeing, peeing might seem the most simple thing in the world to do, but I find it nerve wrecking trying to sneak off, do the deed and come back without the baby noticing I’m gone. And she always, notices I am not with her. Although I can hold pee or pee really slowly, like what they ask you to do for Kegel exercises, no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to pee faster when the baby wails. You would think exercises to pee faster, rather than holding your pee would be more useful as a mother. And what about number two? Trust me, you would rather not know.
This was not what I imagined staying at home would be like. I certainly thought I would be dressed, with fresh breath, reading, maybe surfing the net while Xuan slept. Not wide awake with exhausting but unable to sleep, hoping that the neighbour’s overly sensitive house alarm would trigger for the fourth time this afternoon so that Xuan would sleep another 15 minutes.
Naively, I thought that Xuan and I could go out shopping or hang out at a coffee place. Little did I know that just thinking about going out alone with Xuan, with only one pair of hands juggling the stroller (gigantic, dubbed “the Transformer” by my sister), a huge diaper bag, baby, house key to lock up the house, and car keys to start the car, would make me even more exhausted than I already was. Besides, now that I know better, I know it would be unlikely Xuan would sit quietly in her stroller looking at the her surroundings contently, while I sip a delicious, aromatic cup of hot coffee and read an up-to-date magazine. More likely, she would be screaming and I would be gulping down the scalding hot cup of tea (no coffee, since I am breastfeeding) and at the last minute I would spill the leftover tea I have no time to finish, over the said up-to-date magazine before escaping through the doors, bumping into chairs and tables enroute.
I pictured meeting up with friends over tea and cakes while our kids played together. Us mothers would chat indulgently about our babies accomplishments and share mothering tips. Only, I don’t really have many friends with babies the same age as Xuan. Besides, most of my mom friends are busy working, and would hardly have time for poor starved for adult conversation me. Unfortunately for me, we live in Malaysia, not in the United Kingdom, America, Australia or even Canada. In those countries, there are playgroups for children to play and mothers to meet. In Malaysia, the only playgroups for children are ones you have to pay to join. As you can imagine, spending most of my time alone at home with Xuan, makes me feel lonely and cut off from the real world. This was another aspect of being a stay at home mom I didn’t expect.
But still, I really admire stay at home moms. I don’t know many personally, the ones I know are other mothers who blog on the internet. Majority of the mom blogs I read have more than one child. And they manage marvellously, excel even, at motherhood, from the day to day things, doing the housework, finding time to stay up to date on current events, following other mom blogs, maintaining real life friendships and friendships through the internet, cooking dinner and most of all, capturing all the special times with their children and documenting them in eloquent words, posting pictures that capture that “ah” moments. Through them, I know that motherhood is not easy by any means, certainly it is mostly chaotic, but as long as we have a sense of humour, and immense love for our children, it is a journey through a rainbow, and at the end you will always find a pot of gold.
And this picture below, is my own humble attempt to capture some of my own memorable moments with my little rainbow.
Serious Baby
Happy Baby
Month 4 Milestones:
Weight - 5.8kg
Height - 60cm
Friday, April 16, 2010
Month 3: All You Need to Know About Breastfeeding - NOT!
In case you have not noticed, I actually started this blog in May 2009, 4 months after Xuan was born. As you can see, after my first post, there was a loooooooooooong silence and the next post was almost 1 year later. This was because I really had my hands full taking care of Xuan and had no time to blog. One of my New Year’s resolution for 2010 was to revive this blog and seriously start recording my thoughts, feelings and all things about Xuan. So I started posting again, or rather back-posting about my pregnancy with Xuan, her delivery, and things that happened from her first month to the present.
Now, I am posting about her 3rd month. I am writing about breastfeeding, but part of this post is written in hindsight, with knowledge and experience I have now, that I didn’t have at that point in time. And also, what I think I would do differently, if we are lucky enough to do this a second time round. Please bear in mind, that this is my personal experience and other mothers would have their own individual experiences with breastfeeding.
All the books and materials you read on breastfeeding can never prepare you sufficiently for the actual experience of breastfeeding. The books would talk about the benefits of breastfeeding for both mother and baby, the supply and demand relationship between breastfeeding and the baby, latching, different positions for breastfeeding, cracked and bleeding nipples, breast infections, etc.
For me, I didn’t expect my milk to come in only after 5 days, and even then at a trickle. Before my milk supply was fully established, I had to supplement feeding Xuan with formula, despite being advised against this by all the pro-breastfeeding books. Even then, I didn’t give in to feeding Xuan formula, until she had to be hospitalised for jaundice. In hindsight, I should not have let Xuan cry in hunger, it is important for her to have nutrition, and the supplement would have helped her system break down the bilirubin in her blood and reduced the severity of her jaundice. Although her jaundice was not very severe, jaundice in it’s very severe form can cause brain damage, and that is just too much to risk. After she was discharged from the hospital, I slowly reduced her formula feedings as my milk supply increased and after 3 weeks, she was fully breastfed.
Luckily for us, we did not have any problems with latch, Xuan was really good at latching on. I didn’t have sore, cracked or bleeding nipples, and I didn’t have breast infections.
The problems I had with breastfeeding were more related to my own feelings. I didn’t expect Xuan to need milk every 1.5 to 2 hours in the beginning, round the clock, day and night. It drove me buts to have to be so available all the time. Sometimes, I really felt like I was tied to her physically. I couldn’t go out for more than 2 hours at a time, even when we brought her with us. Most places in Malaysia are not mother and baby friendly. All our weekend outings were timed to the minute, we changed her diaper and fed her before going out, ate a quick lunch, ran our errand or bought the things we needed, if we could we took a quick stroll around the shopping mall and rushed home just in time for her next feed and for her nap.
Why didn’t we give her the bottle? Initially, we were afraid to give her the bottle as warned by the countless books and midwives that she would get nipple confusion and refuse to breastfeed. We spoonfed her formula in the first 3 weeks. Eventually, we did give her the bottle when she was about 7 weeks old. I remember H proudly feeding Xuan her first bottle and once, she even finished 5 ounces of milk in one go. However, her bottle feedings were inconsistent, only during weekends if we went out. And even then, not every weekend as H would always endeavour to come home within the 2 hour timeframe. Perhaps he thought it was inconvenient to bring out the frozen breastmilk and to warm up the milk with hot water outside.
By the time Xuan was 3 months, she steadfastly refused to drink from the bottle. Once, H even tried to feed her from the bottle for 20 minutes while she cried and cried and I hid in the kitchen. In the end, I gave up trying to make her take the bottle. I told myself that it was ok, since I was at home to take care of her, she didn’t really need to drink from the bottle. It seemed like a lot of work for me to pump, wash and sterilise the bottle and pump, and feed her from the bottle when I could just feed her directly. I would come to regret this sorely in the future.
Over the months, it became more and more stressful for me to leave the house without Xuan. Not only did she need to be fed directly, but over time she had became to rely on breastfeeding to put her to sleep. Whenever I left the house, which was not often, I would feel pressured to return by a certain time, either in time to feed her, or to put her to sleep. If I was not around, she would be sorely upset and would rather go hungry than drink from the bottle, and she would rather not go to sleep. When she was almost 11 months, finally mastered drinking from the sippy cup. However, she would not drink formula from the sippy cup. We tried different types of formula, but perhaps she didn’t like the taste.
If I could do this all over again, I would just feed the baby from the bottle, nipple confusion or no nipple confusion, it would be better for the baby to drink from the bottle and reject the breast, than to reject the bottle and only drink from the breast. Afterall, I can still feed the baby express breastmilk from the bottle, and eventually it would be easier to transition the baby to drinking formula from the bottle. In the long run, it would be better for the baby to be able to drink milk from the bottle, at least the baby would not have to suffer when I am not around. It is also better for myself that the baby can be bottlefed by other people. I would not feel so guilty about leaving the baby with someone. More importantly, perhaps I might feel differently about breastfeeding and feel less resentment. There is nothing wrong with someone else feeding the baby, it is a chance for the baby to bond with other people, like the father.
Being solely responsible for feeding a human being 24 hours a day, for more than one year is very exhausting. By this time, Xuan was so used to only me putting her to sleep and putting her back to sleep that H could not help at all. If I was in the shower when Xuan woke up, she would cry and scream until I came into the room, even though H carried her. So no one could help me with Xuan. During the worst weeks of sleep deprivation, I would have to wake up and feed Xuan every 1.5 to 2 hours for weeks at a time. I was almost psychotic by that point and was desperate to wean her.
Unfortunately, in all of the breastfeeding books I have read, for all the 300 over pages on breastfeeding, there are barely 2 pages on weaning. Weaning, is going to be a major headache for me, but that, will be another story.
Here are some cute pictures of Xuan when she is 3 months old. This is when she was the chubbiest! I just love all the rolls of fat on her thighs and arms...must have been all the breastmilk!
Month 3 Milestones:
Weight - 5.8kg
Height - 60cm
Month 2: Clueless in Babyland
The Confinement Lady left 2 days ago and “Houston, we have a problem”. Crying, crying and more crying seems to be the latest trend in our house. Most of the crying is by Xuan, and I’ll admit that some of the crying is by me. I can’t figure out why the baby is crying, and this drives me to tears. Is she hungry? I just fed her for 40 minutes less than 2 hours ago! Can she be hungry AGAIN? She feeds every 1.5 to 2 hours day and night, the sleep deprivation is making me lose my mind. Does she have gas? Is she in pain from colic? Does she like the sound of her own voice? Cooing sounds much better...
The 2 nights after the Confinement Lady left were the worse nights in my life. Xuan cried non-stop for more than an hour. This was after I fed her. We tried to calm her down by rocking her, cradling her, walking up and down, standing still in the darkest corner, carrying her this way and that way, everyway, in fact, except upside down. Finally, H managed to put her to sleep by lying down and placing her on his chest. Xuan would only sleep for an hour at a stretch. After I feed her for an hour, I hand her over to H who puts her to sleep on his chest for one hour. Then she would wake up, H would pass her to me to feed and the cycle would repeat until morning. This way, at least H and I could take turns to sleep, an hour at a time. Thankfully, this went on for only 2 nights, after that she settled down and started sleeping 3 to 4 hours at a stretch.
It seems that no matter how many books I read about babies, I am still clueless about a lot of things – babies, crying, babies’ sleep and breastfeeding, just to name a few.
There are endless, and I mean endless books on how to take care of babies. And each of the books claim to have their own philosophy that is best for the baby. Some of the popular baby books are about strict scheduling to the minute (Gina Ford, Babywise), Eat-Play-Sleep routines (Tracey Hogman) or attachment parenting that are more baby friendly (Drs Sears). No wonder I feel so clueless and confused. Which method should I follow?
The first book I read was actually Babywise. This book recommended that babies are fed every 3 hours and no sooner. Apparently, this would help regulate the baby’s metabolic rate so that by 2 months the baby would start sleeping through the night. Sounds fantastic, however, right from the start, this was very difficult to follow as Xuan seemed to want to feed every 1.5 to 2 hours. The book seemed to indicate that if the baby cries before the 3 hours is up, it must be due to other reasons and the mother should comfort the baby in other ways. Well, other ways didn’t work for Xuan, she was genuinely hungry. I couldn’t bear to let her cry and go hungry until the clock said it was time, so we rapidly abandoned this method. Besides, after H did some research on the internet, we found that there are a lot of babies that require 8 to 12 feeds in a 24 hour period, especially in the first 3 months. Furthermore, the Babywise method was discredited by a lot of doctors and apparently caused some babies to suffer from slow growth and development.
What next? Well, logically, I thought that I would chart Xuan’s activities to see if she has a rough routine. So I printed out an excel spreadsheet to track Xuan’s activities in half hour increments for a week. After that one week, I looked at her chart and I could not for the life of me figure out what was her routine. She didn’t seem to have a natural wakeup time, sometimes she woke up at 8am, sometimes she slept until 11am. There was not fixed time she had her naps, she seemed to want to feed almost all the time...after another week of charting, I decided to throw this out of the window and just follow her natural rhythms. Afterall, another book suggested that some babies do not follow a routine until they are older, 6 months or more.
Based on advice from one of the books on babies that I read, babies should follow a sort of routine – eat, play and sleep, eat, play and sleep, repeat throughout the day. I tried to establish this for Xuan too, except the biggest problem I had was putting her to sleep after play. The only way I could put her to sleep was by feeding her. After surfing the internet for a bit, it seems that most babies naturally fell asleep after drinking milk, there is a biological (warm milk, full tummy) and physiological (sucking comforts the baby and lulls them to sleep) reason for this. Soon, I gave up on this too.
Baby sleep is another area with lots of books and lots of advice. I think I have no less than 4 books on baby sleep alone. Each of the books would detail the importance of sleep (gee, really?), how much sleep the baby should be getting at night and during naps at different ages, how many naps the baby should be taking, how to put the baby to sleep, sleep aids like loveys, pacifiers, white noise, relaxing music, rocking, swing, car ride, stroller ride, or just put the baby down and let the baby cry to sleep, eventually the baby would learn to fall asleep by themselves and stay asleep throughout the night. Again, this was easier said than done.
The only way I could get Xuan to fall asleep was by feeding. Sometimes if I carried her long enough, she would fall asleep. But this meant I might need to carry her to 30 to 60 minutes. This didn’t make much sense to me as most of the time she only slept 20 to 30 minutes. The duration it took for me to get her to sleep was longer than the duration she actually slept. Not good news for my arms, as newborn babies need as many as 4 naps a day. Although the number of naps would decrease as she grew older, her weight would only increase. As it was, after carrying her for 20 minutes, my arms felt like falling off and she only weighed 3.6kg.
Some mothers do chores while their babies napped, afterall, when else would they have the time to do housework? With Xuan running for the title of shortest napper in the world, 20 to 30 minutes per nap, I could forget about doing chores while she napped. Her naps were so short, by the time I made my way downstairs and picked up a plate to wash, she would be wailing for me to get her.
Xuan was an extremely light sleeper too. I remember once I put her to sleep in the living room, and just as I clicked on my pen to record down the time she fell asleep, the click of the pen woke her up. Many little sounds from inside and outside the house would wake her up. Car alarms, house alarms going off, the hons of tradesmen selling gas or collecting newspapers, the phone ringing, etc. I was always on high alert for the slightest noise that could wake her. I swear that she would stir if I so much as took a deep breath or moved a finger. The same baby books I read said that mothers should sleep while their babies napped, to help combat exhaustion and sleep deprivation from night duty. Well, by the time Xuan fell asleep and I relaxed enough to just about drop off to sleep, Xuan would wake up. Having to force myself back to being alert after trying so hard to fall asleep, sometimes I felt it was better just to stay awake and read a book. Of course, it was nerve wrecking when I needed to turn the pages, it just added to the drama of reading an exciting page turning thriller! Oh no, what if the murderer kills again? Oh no, the baby woke up!
In conclusion, I think that all babies are different, just like all of us are individuals. Some parenting philosophies may fit certain baby temperaments better than others. Certainly, the parenting philosophy has to fit the family too. Some babies are easier to care for, with happy go lucky temperaments, and other babies are just more sensitive and require a different approach. All new parents will have to determine which is the best way for their baby and their family. The most important thing is that the baby is growing, healthy and happy. And the same for the family too.
Here's a picture of Xuan in a Rainbow romper featuring Little Miss Sunshine and hot pink sunglasses:
On 6 March 2009, Xuan smiled her first smile! I was lucky enough to catch it on the video camera. Please try to ignore my ridiculously high pitched voice, somehow when I talk to Xuan my voice automatically changes to resemble a smurfette!
Month 2 Milestones:
Weight - 4.8kg
Height - 57cm
1st smile - 6 March 2009
The 2 nights after the Confinement Lady left were the worse nights in my life. Xuan cried non-stop for more than an hour. This was after I fed her. We tried to calm her down by rocking her, cradling her, walking up and down, standing still in the darkest corner, carrying her this way and that way, everyway, in fact, except upside down. Finally, H managed to put her to sleep by lying down and placing her on his chest. Xuan would only sleep for an hour at a stretch. After I feed her for an hour, I hand her over to H who puts her to sleep on his chest for one hour. Then she would wake up, H would pass her to me to feed and the cycle would repeat until morning. This way, at least H and I could take turns to sleep, an hour at a time. Thankfully, this went on for only 2 nights, after that she settled down and started sleeping 3 to 4 hours at a stretch.
It seems that no matter how many books I read about babies, I am still clueless about a lot of things – babies, crying, babies’ sleep and breastfeeding, just to name a few.
There are endless, and I mean endless books on how to take care of babies. And each of the books claim to have their own philosophy that is best for the baby. Some of the popular baby books are about strict scheduling to the minute (Gina Ford, Babywise), Eat-Play-Sleep routines (Tracey Hogman) or attachment parenting that are more baby friendly (Drs Sears). No wonder I feel so clueless and confused. Which method should I follow?
The first book I read was actually Babywise. This book recommended that babies are fed every 3 hours and no sooner. Apparently, this would help regulate the baby’s metabolic rate so that by 2 months the baby would start sleeping through the night. Sounds fantastic, however, right from the start, this was very difficult to follow as Xuan seemed to want to feed every 1.5 to 2 hours. The book seemed to indicate that if the baby cries before the 3 hours is up, it must be due to other reasons and the mother should comfort the baby in other ways. Well, other ways didn’t work for Xuan, she was genuinely hungry. I couldn’t bear to let her cry and go hungry until the clock said it was time, so we rapidly abandoned this method. Besides, after H did some research on the internet, we found that there are a lot of babies that require 8 to 12 feeds in a 24 hour period, especially in the first 3 months. Furthermore, the Babywise method was discredited by a lot of doctors and apparently caused some babies to suffer from slow growth and development.
What next? Well, logically, I thought that I would chart Xuan’s activities to see if she has a rough routine. So I printed out an excel spreadsheet to track Xuan’s activities in half hour increments for a week. After that one week, I looked at her chart and I could not for the life of me figure out what was her routine. She didn’t seem to have a natural wakeup time, sometimes she woke up at 8am, sometimes she slept until 11am. There was not fixed time she had her naps, she seemed to want to feed almost all the time...after another week of charting, I decided to throw this out of the window and just follow her natural rhythms. Afterall, another book suggested that some babies do not follow a routine until they are older, 6 months or more.
Based on advice from one of the books on babies that I read, babies should follow a sort of routine – eat, play and sleep, eat, play and sleep, repeat throughout the day. I tried to establish this for Xuan too, except the biggest problem I had was putting her to sleep after play. The only way I could put her to sleep was by feeding her. After surfing the internet for a bit, it seems that most babies naturally fell asleep after drinking milk, there is a biological (warm milk, full tummy) and physiological (sucking comforts the baby and lulls them to sleep) reason for this. Soon, I gave up on this too.
Baby sleep is another area with lots of books and lots of advice. I think I have no less than 4 books on baby sleep alone. Each of the books would detail the importance of sleep (gee, really?), how much sleep the baby should be getting at night and during naps at different ages, how many naps the baby should be taking, how to put the baby to sleep, sleep aids like loveys, pacifiers, white noise, relaxing music, rocking, swing, car ride, stroller ride, or just put the baby down and let the baby cry to sleep, eventually the baby would learn to fall asleep by themselves and stay asleep throughout the night. Again, this was easier said than done.
The only way I could get Xuan to fall asleep was by feeding. Sometimes if I carried her long enough, she would fall asleep. But this meant I might need to carry her to 30 to 60 minutes. This didn’t make much sense to me as most of the time she only slept 20 to 30 minutes. The duration it took for me to get her to sleep was longer than the duration she actually slept. Not good news for my arms, as newborn babies need as many as 4 naps a day. Although the number of naps would decrease as she grew older, her weight would only increase. As it was, after carrying her for 20 minutes, my arms felt like falling off and she only weighed 3.6kg.
Some mothers do chores while their babies napped, afterall, when else would they have the time to do housework? With Xuan running for the title of shortest napper in the world, 20 to 30 minutes per nap, I could forget about doing chores while she napped. Her naps were so short, by the time I made my way downstairs and picked up a plate to wash, she would be wailing for me to get her.
Xuan was an extremely light sleeper too. I remember once I put her to sleep in the living room, and just as I clicked on my pen to record down the time she fell asleep, the click of the pen woke her up. Many little sounds from inside and outside the house would wake her up. Car alarms, house alarms going off, the hons of tradesmen selling gas or collecting newspapers, the phone ringing, etc. I was always on high alert for the slightest noise that could wake her. I swear that she would stir if I so much as took a deep breath or moved a finger. The same baby books I read said that mothers should sleep while their babies napped, to help combat exhaustion and sleep deprivation from night duty. Well, by the time Xuan fell asleep and I relaxed enough to just about drop off to sleep, Xuan would wake up. Having to force myself back to being alert after trying so hard to fall asleep, sometimes I felt it was better just to stay awake and read a book. Of course, it was nerve wrecking when I needed to turn the pages, it just added to the drama of reading an exciting page turning thriller! Oh no, what if the murderer kills again? Oh no, the baby woke up!
In conclusion, I think that all babies are different, just like all of us are individuals. Some parenting philosophies may fit certain baby temperaments better than others. Certainly, the parenting philosophy has to fit the family too. Some babies are easier to care for, with happy go lucky temperaments, and other babies are just more sensitive and require a different approach. All new parents will have to determine which is the best way for their baby and their family. The most important thing is that the baby is growing, healthy and happy. And the same for the family too.
Here's a picture of Xuan in a Rainbow romper featuring Little Miss Sunshine and hot pink sunglasses:
Month 2 Milestones:
Weight - 4.8kg
Height - 57cm
1st smile - 6 March 2009
Monday, April 12, 2010
Month 1: Confinement Month
For the Chinese, the first month after delivery is called the month of confinement for the mother. During this month, the mother’s health is considered weak and she needs to have plenty of rest, eat special types of food to build up her strength and refrain from bathing, washing hair and touching too much water. Usually, families will hire an elderly lady (Confinement Lady) who specialises in taking care of the baby day and night, and cook special food for the mother to help her recover from labour.
We have also hired a confinement lady for a month. After the rocky start to my confinement due to a disagreement with the Confinement Lady over feeding Xuan the first night, we still have a few bumps to weather. After Xuan came home again, I noticed the Confinement Lady using wet wipes to clean her bottom during diaper changes. Due to the alcohol and chemicals on the wet wipes, I preferred to use wet cotton wipes. When I told the Confinement Lady this, she made some off-hand remark to dismiss me. When H came home, I told him what happened and he had a stern discussion with the Confinement Lady and instructed her to follow whatever I say. It seemed the Confinement Lady had some respect for H, after that, things started to improve and I started to enjoy the rest of my confinement. H being firm with the Confinement Lady was the best reaction, as he made me feel loved and valued as Xuan’s mother.
One of the dreaded aspects of confinement is the part where the new mother is not allowed to bathe or wash her hair. Different families and Confinement Ladies follow this differently. I had heard of a family that was so strict, the poor mother could not bathe or wash her hair for one month. I shudder to think of the mother’s hygiene, she must have been afraid to carry her own baby! Some of my friends would secretly bathe and wash their hair at the hospital before they go home, as their Confinement Lady would most probably not let them bathe and wash their hair for a while. For myself, thankfully I was allowed to bathe every day, in boiled warm water infused with special herbs. Some mothers could only bathe every alternate day. I was only allowed to wash my hair after 3 weeks. This part I found difficult, although I had cut my hair shorter in anticipation for this, the hot weather still made this hard to weather (pun intended). After 10 days, I was desperate enough try a type of dry shampoo. This shampoo is a powder that works to absorb the grease from the scalp and then you dust off the powder without using water. This worked well enough, but nothing beats a refreshing wash.
One of the things I loved about confinement was the food. And my Confinement Lady was an exceptionally good cook. I loved the gingery and sweet wine chicken, the sweet and tart pork trotters in black vinegar, the aromatic sesame oil and ginger pork...yum yum. She also boiled a lot of nutritious soup for me to drink. All the special food prepared during confinement is suppose to help the mother recover her health. That said, there are also lots of food that the mother has to avoid, these foods are considered windy, or poisonous, or just detrimental to the mother’s health.
Another aspect I enjoyed about my confinement was the massage session with a Malay lady I hired. She would come to our house and give me a full body massage with special hot stone treatment for the tummy and womb areas. The belief is that the hot stone massage would help remove “wind” from the tummy and womb areas and help the new mother regain her figure. The massage lady also used the hot stones on my back and I found this really relaxing and soothing. I am not sure if the massage really helps regain pre-pregnancy figure, but it is definitely good for the new mother’s soul and well-being. The massage lady also binded me with a cloth corset, also for the purpose of helping new mothers regain their figures. She told me that Malay women would bind themselves for 24 hours everyday, for 40 days. The corset covered me from under the bust to the top of my thighs. I could barely move and had to sit right at the edge of the chair. I could barely suffer through the 2 – 3 hours I kept the corset on as it was so restrictive and tight. I cannot imagine how the Malay mothers could wear this day and night while taking care of their baby!
For the two weeks after Xuan was discharged from the hospital for jaundice, we continued to supplement breastmilk with formula. We asked the Confinement Lady to feed her formula with a spoon as we were afraid Xuan would get nipple confusion. Slowly, my breastmilk supply increased and by the 4th week, we stopped giving her formula. As mentioned, most Confinement Ladies prefer to feed babies formula as this keeps the baby fuller and helps the baby sleep longer. Knowing this, I was afraid to rest and let the Confinement Lady take care of Xuan during the day. I was afraid that the Confinement Lady would feed her formula when she was hungry instead of bringing her to me. I kept Xuan upstairs with me most of the time, playing with her, feeding her and putting her to sleep. In retrospect perhaps I should have taken the opportunity to rest and sleep, afterall that is what a new mother needs most of all, and this was the service we were paying the Confinement Lady for.
But I loved having Xuan with me, it was like having the best present all to myself in our bedroom. I relished gazing at her sweet face, playing with her little fingers and tiny toes, hearing her coo, studying her delicate features in minute detail, running my finger down the bridge of her nose, the curve of a smile on her rosebud mouth, her smooth cheeks, touching her soft curls, inhaling her baby scent, and feeling the rise and fall of her breathing chest while she slept. There was nothing more fascinating to me than our baby Xuan.
When H came home from work, we would keep Xuan with us as H wanted to spend time with her. He was equally fascinated with Xuan as I was. After dinner, we would bring her to our room to talk and play with her. After she fell asleep, we would whisper and marvel over her for a couple of hours before we carried her back to her room and put her in her cot. In the night, when she woke up the Confinement Lady would bring her to me to feed, and once she was asleep I would put her back into her cot.
The first time I bathed Xuan, I was really nervous as I was afraid I would hurt her or drop her! Although I has watched the Confinement Lady bathe her for 3 weeks, actually doing it was different. It didn’t help that Xuan cried throughout the whole process...and right at the end, after I lifted her out of the bathtub and wrapped her in her towel, Xuan did a poo on me! At this point, the Confinement Lady had to take over and I had to take a bath too!
When Xuan was 19 days old, we celebrated Chinese New Year together as a family for the first time. Usually, for Chinese New Year, we would go to my in-laws’ place, but this year we stayed in our own home and celebrated with my mom and sister, as I was still under confinement. During the confinement month, the mother and baby are not allowed to leave the house. We still felt the festive atmosphere and had lots of friends and relatives visit us to see the baby. My very talented sister took lots of photos of Xuan, featuring very well her various moods:
We have also hired a confinement lady for a month. After the rocky start to my confinement due to a disagreement with the Confinement Lady over feeding Xuan the first night, we still have a few bumps to weather. After Xuan came home again, I noticed the Confinement Lady using wet wipes to clean her bottom during diaper changes. Due to the alcohol and chemicals on the wet wipes, I preferred to use wet cotton wipes. When I told the Confinement Lady this, she made some off-hand remark to dismiss me. When H came home, I told him what happened and he had a stern discussion with the Confinement Lady and instructed her to follow whatever I say. It seemed the Confinement Lady had some respect for H, after that, things started to improve and I started to enjoy the rest of my confinement. H being firm with the Confinement Lady was the best reaction, as he made me feel loved and valued as Xuan’s mother.
One of the dreaded aspects of confinement is the part where the new mother is not allowed to bathe or wash her hair. Different families and Confinement Ladies follow this differently. I had heard of a family that was so strict, the poor mother could not bathe or wash her hair for one month. I shudder to think of the mother’s hygiene, she must have been afraid to carry her own baby! Some of my friends would secretly bathe and wash their hair at the hospital before they go home, as their Confinement Lady would most probably not let them bathe and wash their hair for a while. For myself, thankfully I was allowed to bathe every day, in boiled warm water infused with special herbs. Some mothers could only bathe every alternate day. I was only allowed to wash my hair after 3 weeks. This part I found difficult, although I had cut my hair shorter in anticipation for this, the hot weather still made this hard to weather (pun intended). After 10 days, I was desperate enough try a type of dry shampoo. This shampoo is a powder that works to absorb the grease from the scalp and then you dust off the powder without using water. This worked well enough, but nothing beats a refreshing wash.
One of the things I loved about confinement was the food. And my Confinement Lady was an exceptionally good cook. I loved the gingery and sweet wine chicken, the sweet and tart pork trotters in black vinegar, the aromatic sesame oil and ginger pork...yum yum. She also boiled a lot of nutritious soup for me to drink. All the special food prepared during confinement is suppose to help the mother recover her health. That said, there are also lots of food that the mother has to avoid, these foods are considered windy, or poisonous, or just detrimental to the mother’s health.
Another aspect I enjoyed about my confinement was the massage session with a Malay lady I hired. She would come to our house and give me a full body massage with special hot stone treatment for the tummy and womb areas. The belief is that the hot stone massage would help remove “wind” from the tummy and womb areas and help the new mother regain her figure. The massage lady also used the hot stones on my back and I found this really relaxing and soothing. I am not sure if the massage really helps regain pre-pregnancy figure, but it is definitely good for the new mother’s soul and well-being. The massage lady also binded me with a cloth corset, also for the purpose of helping new mothers regain their figures. She told me that Malay women would bind themselves for 24 hours everyday, for 40 days. The corset covered me from under the bust to the top of my thighs. I could barely move and had to sit right at the edge of the chair. I could barely suffer through the 2 – 3 hours I kept the corset on as it was so restrictive and tight. I cannot imagine how the Malay mothers could wear this day and night while taking care of their baby!
For the two weeks after Xuan was discharged from the hospital for jaundice, we continued to supplement breastmilk with formula. We asked the Confinement Lady to feed her formula with a spoon as we were afraid Xuan would get nipple confusion. Slowly, my breastmilk supply increased and by the 4th week, we stopped giving her formula. As mentioned, most Confinement Ladies prefer to feed babies formula as this keeps the baby fuller and helps the baby sleep longer. Knowing this, I was afraid to rest and let the Confinement Lady take care of Xuan during the day. I was afraid that the Confinement Lady would feed her formula when she was hungry instead of bringing her to me. I kept Xuan upstairs with me most of the time, playing with her, feeding her and putting her to sleep. In retrospect perhaps I should have taken the opportunity to rest and sleep, afterall that is what a new mother needs most of all, and this was the service we were paying the Confinement Lady for.
But I loved having Xuan with me, it was like having the best present all to myself in our bedroom. I relished gazing at her sweet face, playing with her little fingers and tiny toes, hearing her coo, studying her delicate features in minute detail, running my finger down the bridge of her nose, the curve of a smile on her rosebud mouth, her smooth cheeks, touching her soft curls, inhaling her baby scent, and feeling the rise and fall of her breathing chest while she slept. There was nothing more fascinating to me than our baby Xuan.
When H came home from work, we would keep Xuan with us as H wanted to spend time with her. He was equally fascinated with Xuan as I was. After dinner, we would bring her to our room to talk and play with her. After she fell asleep, we would whisper and marvel over her for a couple of hours before we carried her back to her room and put her in her cot. In the night, when she woke up the Confinement Lady would bring her to me to feed, and once she was asleep I would put her back into her cot.
The first time I bathed Xuan, I was really nervous as I was afraid I would hurt her or drop her! Although I has watched the Confinement Lady bathe her for 3 weeks, actually doing it was different. It didn’t help that Xuan cried throughout the whole process...and right at the end, after I lifted her out of the bathtub and wrapped her in her towel, Xuan did a poo on me! At this point, the Confinement Lady had to take over and I had to take a bath too!
When Xuan was 19 days old, we celebrated Chinese New Year together as a family for the first time. Usually, for Chinese New Year, we would go to my in-laws’ place, but this year we stayed in our own home and celebrated with my mom and sister, as I was still under confinement. During the confinement month, the mother and baby are not allowed to leave the house. We still felt the festive atmosphere and had lots of friends and relatives visit us to see the baby. My very talented sister took lots of photos of Xuan, featuring very well her various moods:
Yawn...I just want to zzz...zzz...
WAAAHHHHH!!!
Cheeky girl...
Sweet baby
Pretty delicate fingers
Eeny weeny teeny toes
Month 1 Milestones:
Weight - 3.6kg
Height - 55cm
1st Week: Xuan's Homecoming
After the delivery, I started feeling a little nauseous, probably a side effect from the epidural. After they wheeled me back into our room, I requested for a container and prompted threw up in it. Other than that, I felt surprisingly energetic. I was probably on an adrenalin high. Our parents, relatives ad friends came to visit and commented that I looked fresh and not at all like I went through labour. I think it all comes down to the EPIDURAL. No pain and I didn’t feel like I was hit by a truck. I highly recommend it!
Everyone oh-ed and ah-ed over Xuan. Some of the first things that people said about her were “Oh, she has a full head of hair!”, “She has natural curls!” and “Wow, she has really strong lungs / loud cry!”, along with other comments trying to figure out who she looks like. A little bit me, a little bit of H, a little bit of my dad, my mom, H’s parents, my sis, and everyone who loves her, of course.
The next day, Dr. G came to check on me and said I can be discharged. However, we decided to stay one more night at the hospital with Xuan. We mostly kept Xuan with us in the room, she would sleep next to me on the bed with the rail raised, or in H’s arms or in her bassinet. Sometimes she would cry and H had to hold her in a football hold, with her head slightly lower. Somehow, she would calm down when she was held like that. Strange, I know, but maybe it reminded her to being upside down when she was still in the womb, not too long ago! When she fussed, she would also quiet down when she heard our voices, perhaps she could recognise our voices from the long chats we had with her when I was pregnant.
When Xuan was 2 days old, we brought her home in a newborn size pink and white striped bodysuit, she was so little that she was swimming in it. I carried Xuan into the house and showed her around her home. She was quiet during the daytime and mostly slept.
During Xuan’s first night home, she started being fussy. The Confinement Lady said that it was because she was hungry, but my milk had not come in yet. I did not have formula in the house as the midwives told us the first milk, colostrum was enough for the baby for the first few days of life. If we give the baby formula, it would disrupt the supply and demand relationship of breastfeeding. The baby may not want breastmilk after that, and my supply would be insufficient. My friends who had babies before encouraged me to be positive towards breastfeeding and not to have formula in the house. They also warned me that usually Confinement Ladies prefer to feed babies formula as it makes the babies more full and easier to care for. They told me I must be firm with the Confinement Lady and not give in to her if she wants to feed the baby formula.
This is easier said than done, especially when hearing our baby cry. The Confinement Lady asked us to give Xuan water instead, but the books also said not to give the baby water. The Confinement Lady was frustrated with us, she kept saying “poor baby, poor baby” which made me feel so bad. My baby was hungry but I had no milk for her. Unlike when she was in the womb and she had nutrition from me round the clock without any effort on my part, now she was outside of me and so, so hungry but I did not have enough milk for her. I broke down into tears and H had a few words with the Confinement Lady as he was upset she made us feel bad. After a while, Xuan settled down and went to sleep.
The next day, the Confinement Lady noticed that Xuan was a bit yellow, so we took her to the hospital. She had jaundice and was admitted for phototherapy. At the special care nursery, the nurse told us that they have to give Xuan formula as I did not have sufficient milk. It was important give Xuan formula as it helps remove the bilirubin from her system through stools. Also, the formula will prevent her from getting dehydrated from the phototherapy.
H and I got quite frustrated after hearing this from the nurse. Of course we agree that they give Xuan formula, it’s important for her health. We’re frustrated that all this information was not given to us as part of the antenatal classes we attended. In those classes, the midwives kept telling us to breastfeed exclusively. But obviously in our case, breastmilk is not enough especially as Xuan has jaundice. I felt so bad that we listened to the midwives advice and caused Xuan to go hungry. By the time Xuan was readmitted into the hospital, she weighed 2.63kg.
After Xuan was settled into the hospital, I went home and started to pump and store milk. I pumped every 3 hours, even through the night but I only managed to pump 0.5 oz of milk. IN TOTAL. As in, 0.5 oz of milk from all the pumping sessions. I was thinking to myself, this must be the most pathetic attempt in history. When we went to visit Xuan the next day, I was so embarrassed to show the milk to the nurse. She was kind enough not to laugh, but we couldn’t use the milk anyway, as it was all mixed from the different pumping sessions. Instead, I nursed Xuan there and H and I spent some time with her. There were babies and their parents there too. 2 other babies had jaundice too, one of the babies looked really yellow. There was a pair of premature twins and another premature baby boy kept in incubators. If I thought Xuan was tiny, these babies were even tinier, they weighed about 1.4kg each, and were probably smaller at birth.
Xuan’s jaundice level was still slightly elevated, so she had to stay a second night. The 2 nights without Xuan were really hard. For 9 months, she existed inside me and I could feel her move and kick, and now she was alone, far away from me in the hospital. Even though she was in the special care nursery being cared for by experienced nurses, I couldn’t help worrying about her. Did she miss us like we miss her?
The next day, Xuan was much better and was discharged. We were told to sun her in morning light for ten minutes for a few days. So, we brought our baby home again. Home sweet home!
Everyone oh-ed and ah-ed over Xuan. Some of the first things that people said about her were “Oh, she has a full head of hair!”, “She has natural curls!” and “Wow, she has really strong lungs / loud cry!”, along with other comments trying to figure out who she looks like. A little bit me, a little bit of H, a little bit of my dad, my mom, H’s parents, my sis, and everyone who loves her, of course.
The next day, Dr. G came to check on me and said I can be discharged. However, we decided to stay one more night at the hospital with Xuan. We mostly kept Xuan with us in the room, she would sleep next to me on the bed with the rail raised, or in H’s arms or in her bassinet. Sometimes she would cry and H had to hold her in a football hold, with her head slightly lower. Somehow, she would calm down when she was held like that. Strange, I know, but maybe it reminded her to being upside down when she was still in the womb, not too long ago! When she fussed, she would also quiet down when she heard our voices, perhaps she could recognise our voices from the long chats we had with her when I was pregnant.
When Xuan was 2 days old, we brought her home in a newborn size pink and white striped bodysuit, she was so little that she was swimming in it. I carried Xuan into the house and showed her around her home. She was quiet during the daytime and mostly slept.
During Xuan’s first night home, she started being fussy. The Confinement Lady said that it was because she was hungry, but my milk had not come in yet. I did not have formula in the house as the midwives told us the first milk, colostrum was enough for the baby for the first few days of life. If we give the baby formula, it would disrupt the supply and demand relationship of breastfeeding. The baby may not want breastmilk after that, and my supply would be insufficient. My friends who had babies before encouraged me to be positive towards breastfeeding and not to have formula in the house. They also warned me that usually Confinement Ladies prefer to feed babies formula as it makes the babies more full and easier to care for. They told me I must be firm with the Confinement Lady and not give in to her if she wants to feed the baby formula.
This is easier said than done, especially when hearing our baby cry. The Confinement Lady asked us to give Xuan water instead, but the books also said not to give the baby water. The Confinement Lady was frustrated with us, she kept saying “poor baby, poor baby” which made me feel so bad. My baby was hungry but I had no milk for her. Unlike when she was in the womb and she had nutrition from me round the clock without any effort on my part, now she was outside of me and so, so hungry but I did not have enough milk for her. I broke down into tears and H had a few words with the Confinement Lady as he was upset she made us feel bad. After a while, Xuan settled down and went to sleep.
The next day, the Confinement Lady noticed that Xuan was a bit yellow, so we took her to the hospital. She had jaundice and was admitted for phototherapy. At the special care nursery, the nurse told us that they have to give Xuan formula as I did not have sufficient milk. It was important give Xuan formula as it helps remove the bilirubin from her system through stools. Also, the formula will prevent her from getting dehydrated from the phototherapy.
H and I got quite frustrated after hearing this from the nurse. Of course we agree that they give Xuan formula, it’s important for her health. We’re frustrated that all this information was not given to us as part of the antenatal classes we attended. In those classes, the midwives kept telling us to breastfeed exclusively. But obviously in our case, breastmilk is not enough especially as Xuan has jaundice. I felt so bad that we listened to the midwives advice and caused Xuan to go hungry. By the time Xuan was readmitted into the hospital, she weighed 2.63kg.
After Xuan was settled into the hospital, I went home and started to pump and store milk. I pumped every 3 hours, even through the night but I only managed to pump 0.5 oz of milk. IN TOTAL. As in, 0.5 oz of milk from all the pumping sessions. I was thinking to myself, this must be the most pathetic attempt in history. When we went to visit Xuan the next day, I was so embarrassed to show the milk to the nurse. She was kind enough not to laugh, but we couldn’t use the milk anyway, as it was all mixed from the different pumping sessions. Instead, I nursed Xuan there and H and I spent some time with her. There were babies and their parents there too. 2 other babies had jaundice too, one of the babies looked really yellow. There was a pair of premature twins and another premature baby boy kept in incubators. If I thought Xuan was tiny, these babies were even tinier, they weighed about 1.4kg each, and were probably smaller at birth.
Xuan’s jaundice level was still slightly elevated, so she had to stay a second night. The 2 nights without Xuan were really hard. For 9 months, she existed inside me and I could feel her move and kick, and now she was alone, far away from me in the hospital. Even though she was in the special care nursery being cared for by experienced nurses, I couldn’t help worrying about her. Did she miss us like we miss her?
The next day, Xuan was much better and was discharged. We were told to sun her in morning light for ten minutes for a few days. So, we brought our baby home again. Home sweet home!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Delivery and Meeting Xuan for the First Time
On 7 January 2009, we have dinner and I take a bath before going to the hospital. I even wash my hair twice, to clean it thoroughly. I would not have a chance to wash my hair again for another 3 weeks. Based on Chinese confinement rules, the mother is not allowed to bathe and wash her hair for 1 month. Things are not so strict now, luckily my confinement lady said I can bathe in water with special herbs, at the right temperature, but I cannot wash my hair for 3 weeks.
After loading my hospital bag into the car, we leave home and drive to the hospital. To think, the next time I come home, I would be carrying Xuan home with us. A thrill of anticipation ran through my body.
We checked into the hospital without any problems and we are given a single room with an extra bed for H. At 1:45am, I was induced into labour. This part was worse than I expected, I did not expect to feel so sore. I started having cramps and a really bad backache. My backache was so bad, I couldn’t sleep. I kept tossing and turning, but I couldn’t find a comfortable position to ease the pain in my back. What I really wanted was a soothing back massage, but by this time, H was fast asleep. I contemplated waking him up, but then I thought this was only the beginning of my labour, and we still had a long way to go, so I decided to let him rest. Heck, I needed to rest, but I was anxious and excited about meeting Xuan soon.
Around 4am, the midwife came with the CTG machines to check on the fetal heartbeat and my contractions. The baby was doing fine, and I was having regular contractions, about 40 over a scale of 100 in intensity and every 10 minutes. I did not feel too much pain from the contractions, the backache felt much worse.
At 6am, the midwife came to check me and told me I was 2 – 3cm dilated. She told me that this was good progress and I did not need to have another pill inserted. Thank goodness for this, I really hated this part and almost kicked the midwife in the face. We were told to get ready to move to the delivery room. At 6:30am, we walked to the delivery room. On the way, we saw another pregnant lady also going to one of the delivery rooms, but she was alone. I am so glad that H was with me, especially after all he said about not wanting to be in the delivery room as he was afraid of fainting at the sight of blood.
At 7am, the anesthetist came to talk to me about pain management. I was not planning to have an epidural so soon, I was thinking of only taking the epidural after Dr. G burst the water bag. I had heard stories of when the epidural was administered too soon, it slowed the progress of labour. I was afraid if my labour progress was slow, the baby would go into fetal distress and I would have to undergo a Caesarean section. However, the anesthetist advised me to have the epidural now, as my labour was progressing quite well and if I delayed, my labour might progress too fast after the water bag is burst and it would be too late for me to have the epidural then. After thinking about it, I decided to have the epidural.
So I leaned against H, with my back curved like the letter C. The doctor inserted the needle, I did not feel any pain, but poor H felt a little dizzy from seeing the huge needle go into my back! The doctor and midwife were immediately concerned and asked him to sit down. I felt very comfortable soon after that, I didn’t feel my contractions, and best of all, my backache was gone. We amused ourselves looking at the CTG machine charting my contractions. Soon after the epidural, my contractions started going off the charts, above 100! Luckily, I already had the epidural and didn’t feel the pain.
Dr. G came in to check on me around 8am and he burst my waterbag. I asked him if I could eat a little was I was hungry. He said something light, so I had some hot chocolate and dry biscuits. H and I watched some TV, but there was nothing interesting on. By 10am, I was 7 – 8 cm dilated. At this point, I asked H to hold my hand. When I squeezed his hand really hard, he looked at me worriedly and asked if I was in pain. I told him no, but I wanted him to have the full experience of a wife going through the pain of labour. We have heard stories from friends about their wives squeezing their hands until their blood circulation was cut off, fighting, and in one case, the hubby was punched by his wife! Even though I was not in pain, I did feel some tightening over my abdomen when I had contractions.
At 10:30am, the midwife came and taught me how to do some practice pushes. At 10:40am, Dr. G came and we were ready to start pushing. After 3 – 4 pushes, Xuan was born! She was put on my chest and she was already crying! I looked at this tiny, little perfect baby and felt a wave of emotions. Joy, that our little girl was with us, and relief, that she was finally born safely. I looked into her eyes, she looked into mine, and I felt she was looking into my soul. Yes, we already knew each other.
Too soon, they took her away to clean and measure her. H went with her. The doctor and midwife gave her an apgar score of 9 at delivery and 10 for 5 minutes after delivery. Best of all, Dr. G said she was a healthy girl!
Xuan was born at 10:50am on Thursday, 8 January 2009 weighting 2.75kg, measuring 47cm in length. Welcome to our world, our darling daughter!
After loading my hospital bag into the car, we leave home and drive to the hospital. To think, the next time I come home, I would be carrying Xuan home with us. A thrill of anticipation ran through my body.
We checked into the hospital without any problems and we are given a single room with an extra bed for H. At 1:45am, I was induced into labour. This part was worse than I expected, I did not expect to feel so sore. I started having cramps and a really bad backache. My backache was so bad, I couldn’t sleep. I kept tossing and turning, but I couldn’t find a comfortable position to ease the pain in my back. What I really wanted was a soothing back massage, but by this time, H was fast asleep. I contemplated waking him up, but then I thought this was only the beginning of my labour, and we still had a long way to go, so I decided to let him rest. Heck, I needed to rest, but I was anxious and excited about meeting Xuan soon.
Around 4am, the midwife came with the CTG machines to check on the fetal heartbeat and my contractions. The baby was doing fine, and I was having regular contractions, about 40 over a scale of 100 in intensity and every 10 minutes. I did not feel too much pain from the contractions, the backache felt much worse.
At 6am, the midwife came to check me and told me I was 2 – 3cm dilated. She told me that this was good progress and I did not need to have another pill inserted. Thank goodness for this, I really hated this part and almost kicked the midwife in the face. We were told to get ready to move to the delivery room. At 6:30am, we walked to the delivery room. On the way, we saw another pregnant lady also going to one of the delivery rooms, but she was alone. I am so glad that H was with me, especially after all he said about not wanting to be in the delivery room as he was afraid of fainting at the sight of blood.
At 7am, the anesthetist came to talk to me about pain management. I was not planning to have an epidural so soon, I was thinking of only taking the epidural after Dr. G burst the water bag. I had heard stories of when the epidural was administered too soon, it slowed the progress of labour. I was afraid if my labour progress was slow, the baby would go into fetal distress and I would have to undergo a Caesarean section. However, the anesthetist advised me to have the epidural now, as my labour was progressing quite well and if I delayed, my labour might progress too fast after the water bag is burst and it would be too late for me to have the epidural then. After thinking about it, I decided to have the epidural.
So I leaned against H, with my back curved like the letter C. The doctor inserted the needle, I did not feel any pain, but poor H felt a little dizzy from seeing the huge needle go into my back! The doctor and midwife were immediately concerned and asked him to sit down. I felt very comfortable soon after that, I didn’t feel my contractions, and best of all, my backache was gone. We amused ourselves looking at the CTG machine charting my contractions. Soon after the epidural, my contractions started going off the charts, above 100! Luckily, I already had the epidural and didn’t feel the pain.
Dr. G came in to check on me around 8am and he burst my waterbag. I asked him if I could eat a little was I was hungry. He said something light, so I had some hot chocolate and dry biscuits. H and I watched some TV, but there was nothing interesting on. By 10am, I was 7 – 8 cm dilated. At this point, I asked H to hold my hand. When I squeezed his hand really hard, he looked at me worriedly and asked if I was in pain. I told him no, but I wanted him to have the full experience of a wife going through the pain of labour. We have heard stories from friends about their wives squeezing their hands until their blood circulation was cut off, fighting, and in one case, the hubby was punched by his wife! Even though I was not in pain, I did feel some tightening over my abdomen when I had contractions.
At 10:30am, the midwife came and taught me how to do some practice pushes. At 10:40am, Dr. G came and we were ready to start pushing. After 3 – 4 pushes, Xuan was born! She was put on my chest and she was already crying! I looked at this tiny, little perfect baby and felt a wave of emotions. Joy, that our little girl was with us, and relief, that she was finally born safely. I looked into her eyes, she looked into mine, and I felt she was looking into my soul. Yes, we already knew each other.
Too soon, they took her away to clean and measure her. H went with her. The doctor and midwife gave her an apgar score of 9 at delivery and 10 for 5 minutes after delivery. Best of all, Dr. G said she was a healthy girl!
Xuan was born at 10:50am on Thursday, 8 January 2009 weighting 2.75kg, measuring 47cm in length. Welcome to our world, our darling daughter!
My Pregnancy with Xuan
Month 1
In the beginning, I had no idea I was pregnant. The duration of pregnancy is calculated from the first day of your period, which actually means that you’ve not even conceived yet.
In hindsight, the only sign I had that I was pregnant was that my morning coffee tasted different. Now, I am no coffee connoisseur, but I just LOVE my 3-in-1 instant coffee with my breakfast. I can’t function without it. However, sometime this month, my usual coffee started tasting weird and bitter. I remember even thinking to myself if the darn coffee manufacturer had changed the coffee-sugar-milk ratio in the packaging! Little did I know, that a little bean growing inside me, was already changing my hormone levels and tastebuds!
Month 2
After my period was late for a week, I did a home pregnancy test. It was positive! H and I were so happy! I arranged for a doctor’s appointment, somehow I still felt a little disbelief...maybe the HPT was faulty? Afterall, I didn’t have any morning sickness.
When I was about 6 weeks pregnant, we had our doctor’s appointment. We saw the baby and the baby’s heartbeat! Within the little black circle, there was a flickering white dot, and that was our baby’s heartbeat. The sight just took my breath away. However, Dr. G saw a spot of bleeding next to the baby, where the placenta was. He told us that we might have complications with our pregnancy, that 70% of such bleedings resolved itself, the other 30%...we should be prepared... If I experienced any spotting or bleeding, I was to come to the hospital immediately. The spot of bleeding looked big, almost half as big as the baby.
Month 3
I spend the next 4 weeks on sick leave. You would have thought this would be the perfect time to laze on the sofa watching TV, reading, snoozing, eating biscuits and drinking hot chocolate, right? Well, I actually spent more time hugging the toilet. Remember I said previously that I didn’t experience nausea and morning sickness? Well, scratch that, l had EXTREME nausea and morning sickness the WHOLE DAY! I constantly feel nauseous from the minute I wake up and I have been vomiting more and more, up to 5 – 7 times a day. My motion sickness, which was quite sensitive before pregnancy, is about a million times worse now. Watching TV with characters moving across the screen would give me nausea. Even a short 5 minute car ride would make me puke. Even if I wasn’t under house arrest, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere that involved getting into a car!
At the end of my 1st trimester, I went back to work. It was a relief to be out of the house, but my relief was short lived. The next day, I woke up at 6am to go to the toilet and got the fright of my life. I was bleeding...I shouted for H, thank goodness he had not gone to work yet. Immediately we went to the hospital. The doctor did a scan, which showed that our baby was all right, we even heard the heartbeat on the Doppler. Dr. G also showed us that the bleeding was from coming from the placenta. He told us that things could go either way, but that he was still hopeful. I was admitted into the hospital for 2 days to monitor my condition. The next day I was discharged from the hospital but on strict bed rest for one month. I only got out of the bed to go to use the bathroom.
Month 4
We went to see Dr. G for a scan and saw our baby again. Baby has a big head and a big belly, so cute! We saw and heard the heartbeat. Baby is now 8cm in length, which is a good size. Thank goodness the baby is growing, I have actually lost 2kg since I got pregnant, due to the all-day sickness I’ve been having. But Dr. G says not to worry as the baby is growing well.
Month 5
I got a call from the doctor’s clinic and was told that my blood test results were back and we had high risk for Down’s Syndrome. Dr. G explained that our risk in the blood test results was 1:100 for Down’s Syndrome. This is quite high, it means that for every 100 pregnant women, we have a 1% chance of having a baby with Down’s Syndrome. Normally, for pregnant women my age, the ratio would be 1:650. If someone had a ratio of 1:250, the doctors would normally recommend the amniocentesis test, when they poke a long needle into the uterus from the stomach to collect amniotic fluid to test the baby’s genes. This would tell you with a 100% certainty if the baby has Down’s Syndrome, or any other tested genetic defects. However, the amniocentesis test carries a 1-2% miscarriage risk. This means that in 100 tests performed, 1-2 tests may cause a miscarriage, even if the baby is perfectly healthy.
H says no matter what, he wants to keep our baby. He says that our baby has a heartbeat, and after all we have gone through with the bleeding and hospitalization, this is our miracle baby. If we decide not to take any action, no matter what the outcome of the test, why risk a miscarriage by having the amniocentesis test? I feel the same, we already love our baby so much. Dr. G was supportive of our decision and spent more time with us to go through a more thorough scan.
This time, he showed us our baby’s brain, and said that there were no cysts. We could see the heartbeat and like the previous visit, we could see Baby’s pot belly! Dr. G showed us the nasal bone again, hopefully the well formed nasal bone means that Baby doesn’t have Down’s Syndrome. He checked the nuchal fold and the measurement was within the normal range. He also showed us Baby’s hands, and we could count the 3 digits and 2 knuckles on each finger. He said this was good as sometimes babies with Down’s Syndrome have missing digits. Baby is measuring 11.1cm, around 16weeks 5 days. Dr. G measured the length of Baby’s leg and it is measuring 16weeks 3days, close to Baby’s age, or in proportion with Baby’s length. This is also good sign as some Down’s Syndrome babies have shorter legs.
This scan made us feel better and gives us hope that Baby will be healthy and normal. Baby also moved and waved at us during the scan. I commented that I didn’t feel any movement and Dr. G said I wouldn’t feel any movements for another 2 weeks. I asked H if he wanted to know the baby’s gender and he said it was up to me. I asked Dr. G if he could tell the baby’s gender and he said probably a girl.
I couldn’t help picturing a sweet little baby girl, wow, all the pretty clothes she would wear! But I could also picture a cute little baby boy, that looks like H. Honestly, the baby’s gender does not matter to us, as long as our baby is healthy. And this scan did give me some level of reassurance, perhaps the blood test was not accurate, due to the bleeding. I could not wait for the next scan, so we can take a little peak at our baby again.
During my 5th month of pregnancy, I can feel our baby moving inside. Sometimes I feel a flutter, and sometimes a tumbling motion like a spinning machine. Also around this time, my bump starts to show and I’ve stopped looking like the girl who ate too much dessert for dinner. I start enjoying my pregnancy more, largely because my morning sickness has passed and my appetite has returned.
Month 6
After numerous discussions on baby names, we have decided to name our baby Xuan. Xuan’s movements are stronger and she is quite active. She will move and kick me while I am at work and when I walk alot. After dinner, H and I will sit on the sofa and talk to Xuan, because that’s when she starts kicking. H can feel her moving when he places his hands over my tummy. Sometimes Xuan will also get hiccups, and this never fails to make us laugh as we feel the little rhythmic motions. Before sleeping, she will also kick a bit and we will talk to her before we go to sleep.
Month 7
During my 7th month, we went for a doctor’s appointment and Xuan has grown bigger! Now she weighs 1.2kg...that’s double from her weight 5 weeks ago. Around this time, I have been experiencing some slight cramps around my middle,a nd Dr. G said that I am having Braxton-Hicks contractions. Wow, I thought it was a bit early to have these practice contractions, I still have 10 weeks to go to my due date.
Month 8
We are back in the doctor’s clinic and Xuan now weighs 1.8kg. At 33 weeks, her head circumference measures 32 weeks 1 day and her abdomen circumference measures 31 weeks 4 days. Dr. G said her growth is slightly slower but is not a cause for concern yet. He told us that I have reduced amniotic fluid. The reduced amniotic fluid might affect Xuan’s growth, and if the amniotic level reduces more, he may have to induce me earlier than my due date. Twice a week, I need to go to the maternity ward at the hospital for the midwives to use the CTG machines to monitor fetal heartrate and movements, and my contractions for 20 to 30 minutes.
By now, I get Braxton Hicks contractions quite often, especially when I walk from the car park to my office and from the office back to the car park after work. My office is next to a huge shopping complex, and because it’s cheaper to park in the shopping complex instead of the office, most of us park in the shopping complex. Except the shopping complex management was not too happy about us taking up all the parking lots near our office, instead of leaving them for their money spending shopping patrons, so they block off certain parts of the car park using morning rush hour. As a result, we have to park a 10 minute walk away from office.
You would think walking through the shopping complex is heaven, especially for a first time mother having a girl...wow, all the opportunities to shop for sweet little dresses for my baby girl, right? Nope, because a 10 minute walk for the average person means it’s at least a 15 minute walk for a lumbering and heavily pregnant woman, carrying 10kgs of extra weight and a 5 kg laptop. Heck, between my ever expanding girth and compromised balance, juggling my handbag and laptop bag at the same time, I do not have any hands free to check out those cute little rompers. During this walk, I would get several Braxton-Hicks contractions, and they get stronger and stronger, sometimes I just need to stop walking until the contraction passes. By the time I reach the office, I am so tired I just want to crawl back into bed, but that would mean I’d talk to make the 15 minute track back to the car...I think I’ll just stay in the office afterall. After 10 hours of work, it’s another long walk back to the car before I can go home. You can tell, I am sure that these walks are about the only exercise I do...and you can see why I’m just waiting impatiently to go on vacation!
Month 9
When I am 35 weeks pregnant, we went for a doctor’s appointment and Xuan now weighs 2.2kg. Dr. G is concerned that her growth has slowed and he thinks that he would probably induce me into labour during the week of 5 January 2009, 2 weeks before my calculated due date of 22 January 2009. The baby is positioned head down, face down, which is good and she will likely stay that way until delivery and there is not much room for her to manouver, especially with the reduced amniotic fluid.
Wow, with the earlier due date, I suddenly realise that we have tonnes to things to do before the baby comes! I have not bought a lot of the big items for baby, for example stroller, car seat, cot, playpen, etc. I was waiting until we have time to leisurely shop during the Christmas and year end sales to save money with the items on discount. So this launched a whirlwind of shopping, washing baby’s new clothes and cleaning the house to prepare for the baby’s arrival. Luckily H and I were already on leave so the shopping was balanced with resting at home, housework was interspaced with meeting up with friends over the year end holiday period. We met up a few times with friends who were back from London to visit, friends who were also pregnant and due 4 weeks before us, my ex-colleagues at a Christmas party. Although we didn’t go anywhere, it was a great holiday and we really enjoyed it.
Around this time, it sometimes hurts when Xuan kicks me hard or pushes against me. Maybe this is because the reduced amniotic fluid in my womb does not provide enough cushioning. Sometimes when she moves, I can feel a hard bony knob through my tummy. When we talk to her, sometimes she would respond and move or kick me. When she kicks hard, we can actually see my tummy move!
During Week 36, we went to see Dr. G again. This time, Xuan weighed 2.8kg. Thank goodness she continued growing well, despite the low amniotic fluid level. Twice a week, we still went to the maternity ward for CTG monitoring. Xuan’s heartbeat remained regular and her movements rapid. My contractions were also quite regular, I would get 2 or 3 tightenings within the 30 minute sessions.
During Week 38, on 6 January 2009, we went to see Dr. G. Xuan now weighs between 2.8kg to 3.0kg. My amniotic fluid level has reduced further and Dr. G has suggested that I be induced 7 or 8 January. We decided on 8 January 2009.
I asked Dr. G about the progression of labour planned. He said that I should get admitted on the night of 7 January. At midnight, I would be induced. Around 7:30am, Dr. G would come examine me and if my labour has progressed far enough, he would break my waterbag. They would then start a drip to speed up the contractions. By 10am, he would expect me to be 6-7cm dilated and delivery should be around 1pm – 2pm. If at 10am I am not sufficiently dilated, then he might proceed to perform an emergency Caesarean section to ensure the Baby does not go into distress, especially with my low amniotic fluid level.
Wow, we can’t wait to meet Xuan! The next day was filled with apprehension on the looming labour and also excitement that we would be holding Xuan in our arms soon.
In the beginning, I had no idea I was pregnant. The duration of pregnancy is calculated from the first day of your period, which actually means that you’ve not even conceived yet.
In hindsight, the only sign I had that I was pregnant was that my morning coffee tasted different. Now, I am no coffee connoisseur, but I just LOVE my 3-in-1 instant coffee with my breakfast. I can’t function without it. However, sometime this month, my usual coffee started tasting weird and bitter. I remember even thinking to myself if the darn coffee manufacturer had changed the coffee-sugar-milk ratio in the packaging! Little did I know, that a little bean growing inside me, was already changing my hormone levels and tastebuds!
Month 2
After my period was late for a week, I did a home pregnancy test. It was positive! H and I were so happy! I arranged for a doctor’s appointment, somehow I still felt a little disbelief...maybe the HPT was faulty? Afterall, I didn’t have any morning sickness.
When I was about 6 weeks pregnant, we had our doctor’s appointment. We saw the baby and the baby’s heartbeat! Within the little black circle, there was a flickering white dot, and that was our baby’s heartbeat. The sight just took my breath away. However, Dr. G saw a spot of bleeding next to the baby, where the placenta was. He told us that we might have complications with our pregnancy, that 70% of such bleedings resolved itself, the other 30%...we should be prepared... If I experienced any spotting or bleeding, I was to come to the hospital immediately. The spot of bleeding looked big, almost half as big as the baby.
Month 3
I spend the next 4 weeks on sick leave. You would have thought this would be the perfect time to laze on the sofa watching TV, reading, snoozing, eating biscuits and drinking hot chocolate, right? Well, I actually spent more time hugging the toilet. Remember I said previously that I didn’t experience nausea and morning sickness? Well, scratch that, l had EXTREME nausea and morning sickness the WHOLE DAY! I constantly feel nauseous from the minute I wake up and I have been vomiting more and more, up to 5 – 7 times a day. My motion sickness, which was quite sensitive before pregnancy, is about a million times worse now. Watching TV with characters moving across the screen would give me nausea. Even a short 5 minute car ride would make me puke. Even if I wasn’t under house arrest, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere that involved getting into a car!
At the end of my 1st trimester, I went back to work. It was a relief to be out of the house, but my relief was short lived. The next day, I woke up at 6am to go to the toilet and got the fright of my life. I was bleeding...I shouted for H, thank goodness he had not gone to work yet. Immediately we went to the hospital. The doctor did a scan, which showed that our baby was all right, we even heard the heartbeat on the Doppler. Dr. G also showed us that the bleeding was from coming from the placenta. He told us that things could go either way, but that he was still hopeful. I was admitted into the hospital for 2 days to monitor my condition. The next day I was discharged from the hospital but on strict bed rest for one month. I only got out of the bed to go to use the bathroom.
Month 4
We went to see Dr. G for a scan and saw our baby again. Baby has a big head and a big belly, so cute! We saw and heard the heartbeat. Baby is now 8cm in length, which is a good size. Thank goodness the baby is growing, I have actually lost 2kg since I got pregnant, due to the all-day sickness I’ve been having. But Dr. G says not to worry as the baby is growing well.
Month 5
I got a call from the doctor’s clinic and was told that my blood test results were back and we had high risk for Down’s Syndrome. Dr. G explained that our risk in the blood test results was 1:100 for Down’s Syndrome. This is quite high, it means that for every 100 pregnant women, we have a 1% chance of having a baby with Down’s Syndrome. Normally, for pregnant women my age, the ratio would be 1:650. If someone had a ratio of 1:250, the doctors would normally recommend the amniocentesis test, when they poke a long needle into the uterus from the stomach to collect amniotic fluid to test the baby’s genes. This would tell you with a 100% certainty if the baby has Down’s Syndrome, or any other tested genetic defects. However, the amniocentesis test carries a 1-2% miscarriage risk. This means that in 100 tests performed, 1-2 tests may cause a miscarriage, even if the baby is perfectly healthy.
H says no matter what, he wants to keep our baby. He says that our baby has a heartbeat, and after all we have gone through with the bleeding and hospitalization, this is our miracle baby. If we decide not to take any action, no matter what the outcome of the test, why risk a miscarriage by having the amniocentesis test? I feel the same, we already love our baby so much. Dr. G was supportive of our decision and spent more time with us to go through a more thorough scan.
This time, he showed us our baby’s brain, and said that there were no cysts. We could see the heartbeat and like the previous visit, we could see Baby’s pot belly! Dr. G showed us the nasal bone again, hopefully the well formed nasal bone means that Baby doesn’t have Down’s Syndrome. He checked the nuchal fold and the measurement was within the normal range. He also showed us Baby’s hands, and we could count the 3 digits and 2 knuckles on each finger. He said this was good as sometimes babies with Down’s Syndrome have missing digits. Baby is measuring 11.1cm, around 16weeks 5 days. Dr. G measured the length of Baby’s leg and it is measuring 16weeks 3days, close to Baby’s age, or in proportion with Baby’s length. This is also good sign as some Down’s Syndrome babies have shorter legs.
This scan made us feel better and gives us hope that Baby will be healthy and normal. Baby also moved and waved at us during the scan. I commented that I didn’t feel any movement and Dr. G said I wouldn’t feel any movements for another 2 weeks. I asked H if he wanted to know the baby’s gender and he said it was up to me. I asked Dr. G if he could tell the baby’s gender and he said probably a girl.
I couldn’t help picturing a sweet little baby girl, wow, all the pretty clothes she would wear! But I could also picture a cute little baby boy, that looks like H. Honestly, the baby’s gender does not matter to us, as long as our baby is healthy. And this scan did give me some level of reassurance, perhaps the blood test was not accurate, due to the bleeding. I could not wait for the next scan, so we can take a little peak at our baby again.
During my 5th month of pregnancy, I can feel our baby moving inside. Sometimes I feel a flutter, and sometimes a tumbling motion like a spinning machine. Also around this time, my bump starts to show and I’ve stopped looking like the girl who ate too much dessert for dinner. I start enjoying my pregnancy more, largely because my morning sickness has passed and my appetite has returned.
Month 6
After numerous discussions on baby names, we have decided to name our baby Xuan. Xuan’s movements are stronger and she is quite active. She will move and kick me while I am at work and when I walk alot. After dinner, H and I will sit on the sofa and talk to Xuan, because that’s when she starts kicking. H can feel her moving when he places his hands over my tummy. Sometimes Xuan will also get hiccups, and this never fails to make us laugh as we feel the little rhythmic motions. Before sleeping, she will also kick a bit and we will talk to her before we go to sleep.
Month 7
During my 7th month, we went for a doctor’s appointment and Xuan has grown bigger! Now she weighs 1.2kg...that’s double from her weight 5 weeks ago. Around this time, I have been experiencing some slight cramps around my middle,a nd Dr. G said that I am having Braxton-Hicks contractions. Wow, I thought it was a bit early to have these practice contractions, I still have 10 weeks to go to my due date.
Month 8
We are back in the doctor’s clinic and Xuan now weighs 1.8kg. At 33 weeks, her head circumference measures 32 weeks 1 day and her abdomen circumference measures 31 weeks 4 days. Dr. G said her growth is slightly slower but is not a cause for concern yet. He told us that I have reduced amniotic fluid. The reduced amniotic fluid might affect Xuan’s growth, and if the amniotic level reduces more, he may have to induce me earlier than my due date. Twice a week, I need to go to the maternity ward at the hospital for the midwives to use the CTG machines to monitor fetal heartrate and movements, and my contractions for 20 to 30 minutes.
By now, I get Braxton Hicks contractions quite often, especially when I walk from the car park to my office and from the office back to the car park after work. My office is next to a huge shopping complex, and because it’s cheaper to park in the shopping complex instead of the office, most of us park in the shopping complex. Except the shopping complex management was not too happy about us taking up all the parking lots near our office, instead of leaving them for their money spending shopping patrons, so they block off certain parts of the car park using morning rush hour. As a result, we have to park a 10 minute walk away from office.
You would think walking through the shopping complex is heaven, especially for a first time mother having a girl...wow, all the opportunities to shop for sweet little dresses for my baby girl, right? Nope, because a 10 minute walk for the average person means it’s at least a 15 minute walk for a lumbering and heavily pregnant woman, carrying 10kgs of extra weight and a 5 kg laptop. Heck, between my ever expanding girth and compromised balance, juggling my handbag and laptop bag at the same time, I do not have any hands free to check out those cute little rompers. During this walk, I would get several Braxton-Hicks contractions, and they get stronger and stronger, sometimes I just need to stop walking until the contraction passes. By the time I reach the office, I am so tired I just want to crawl back into bed, but that would mean I’d talk to make the 15 minute track back to the car...I think I’ll just stay in the office afterall. After 10 hours of work, it’s another long walk back to the car before I can go home. You can tell, I am sure that these walks are about the only exercise I do...and you can see why I’m just waiting impatiently to go on vacation!
Month 9
When I am 35 weeks pregnant, we went for a doctor’s appointment and Xuan now weighs 2.2kg. Dr. G is concerned that her growth has slowed and he thinks that he would probably induce me into labour during the week of 5 January 2009, 2 weeks before my calculated due date of 22 January 2009. The baby is positioned head down, face down, which is good and she will likely stay that way until delivery and there is not much room for her to manouver, especially with the reduced amniotic fluid.
Wow, with the earlier due date, I suddenly realise that we have tonnes to things to do before the baby comes! I have not bought a lot of the big items for baby, for example stroller, car seat, cot, playpen, etc. I was waiting until we have time to leisurely shop during the Christmas and year end sales to save money with the items on discount. So this launched a whirlwind of shopping, washing baby’s new clothes and cleaning the house to prepare for the baby’s arrival. Luckily H and I were already on leave so the shopping was balanced with resting at home, housework was interspaced with meeting up with friends over the year end holiday period. We met up a few times with friends who were back from London to visit, friends who were also pregnant and due 4 weeks before us, my ex-colleagues at a Christmas party. Although we didn’t go anywhere, it was a great holiday and we really enjoyed it.
Around this time, it sometimes hurts when Xuan kicks me hard or pushes against me. Maybe this is because the reduced amniotic fluid in my womb does not provide enough cushioning. Sometimes when she moves, I can feel a hard bony knob through my tummy. When we talk to her, sometimes she would respond and move or kick me. When she kicks hard, we can actually see my tummy move!
During Week 36, we went to see Dr. G again. This time, Xuan weighed 2.8kg. Thank goodness she continued growing well, despite the low amniotic fluid level. Twice a week, we still went to the maternity ward for CTG monitoring. Xuan’s heartbeat remained regular and her movements rapid. My contractions were also quite regular, I would get 2 or 3 tightenings within the 30 minute sessions.
During Week 38, on 6 January 2009, we went to see Dr. G. Xuan now weighs between 2.8kg to 3.0kg. My amniotic fluid level has reduced further and Dr. G has suggested that I be induced 7 or 8 January. We decided on 8 January 2009.
I asked Dr. G about the progression of labour planned. He said that I should get admitted on the night of 7 January. At midnight, I would be induced. Around 7:30am, Dr. G would come examine me and if my labour has progressed far enough, he would break my waterbag. They would then start a drip to speed up the contractions. By 10am, he would expect me to be 6-7cm dilated and delivery should be around 1pm – 2pm. If at 10am I am not sufficiently dilated, then he might proceed to perform an emergency Caesarean section to ensure the Baby does not go into distress, especially with my low amniotic fluid level.
Wow, we can’t wait to meet Xuan! The next day was filled with apprehension on the looming labour and also excitement that we would be holding Xuan in our arms soon.
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