I’ve now been working for a little over 2 months. The first 2 months were tough, I started work during the quarter close, which was a really hectic period with rigid timelines, during a time when I was new to the role. After quarter close, there was an internal audit for the department and I was the only one available to manage the audit process. Those 3 weeks were really awful, I worked 12 hours in the office, packing lunch and eating in front of the computer, and came home after 9pm for a quick dinner and a shower before working for another 3 hours until 2 am, almost every night. I had to work 2 weekends as well. By the time I reached home most nights, Xuan was already asleep and she would still be sleeping in the morning when I kissed her face and left for work. The longest stretch I went was 3 days without seeing her awake.
Although I was tempted a couple of times to wake her up, just so that I can talk to her and hug her before I go to work, old habits die hard...never wake a sleeping baby, especially a baby like ours, who used to only nap 45 minutes at a stretch in those early months. Furthermore, the short joy the both of us have from seeing each other for a short while, would be replaced by Xuan crying once she realises that I have to leave her and go to work. She would also cling to me and call “Mama....mama” and sometimes says “go, go, go” to tell me that she wants to go with me. It takes alot of resolve to leave her standing at the door, looking at me drive away, with hot tears running down her little face. This must be the guilt that sits like a stone on the heart of every working mother.
I missed her so much, and missed spending time with H. I missed spending time together as a family. I missed the freedom of having time for myself. It was ironic really, and it just proves that you can’t have everything. When I was a stay at home mom, I missed the financial independence, now that I am working and have financial independence, I miss the independence of my own freedom, my own time. Although, I do remember that as a stay at home mom, I did not really have that much time to myself, but I had time for my daughter and my family, without external pressures.
It was also tough at work, the pressure of meeting the internal audit turnaround time of 24 hours to provide information and evidence. Coupled with my morning sickness, there were times when I was thinking “What the hell am I doing?” However, thankfully the internal audit ended...and work became more sane again. Now it is mostly a 9am to 6pm job, sometimes 7pm. I usually go into the office 2 times a week and reach home before 7pm. The other days I work from home. The busy times are during month end and quarter end.
Xuan still cries sometimes when she sees me in the morning and I have to leave for the office. When I work from home, sometimes she will call for me at the top of her lungs “Mama, Mama...come...come!” Most of the time, I try to ignore her, as I do not want her to get used to me appearing whenever she calls me, that would make it difficult to work from home. It is not easy to shut my ears and heart though... Sometimes, I wonder whether my colleagues can hear her calling or crying during our conference calls. But I do know that I am not alone, sometimes I hear my colleagues’ kids in the background too. Once, we heard our manager’s 4 year old daughter calling him, and he was furiously whispering back to her “go out, go out, later...”
Xuan gets on fine with the maid, but she prefers me, H or my mom, to the maid. Sometimes I also worry that the maid will just leave her alone to play by herself, or just lets her watch TV non-stop when my mom or I are not around. I do sneak to the top of the stairs a couple of times during the day, to make sure she doesn’t watch TV more than once a day, and not for too long. I also check to make sure the maid is playing with her, and that she is not alone in the living room.
There are many advantages to having a maid of course. The main thing being that H and I have a lot less housework to do. Although previously we had a part-time maid to clean the house once a week, I do think the house is cleaner now that our maid sweeps and mops twice a week. We also don’t need to spend time washing dishes and cleaning up the kitchen at night, after dinner. That used to take H at least an hour, after dinner. By the time he finished, he only has another hour to spend with Xuan before her bedtime.
Anyway, life is full of changes. Currently, our maid had told us that she only wants to work for 1 year, after which she will return to her home country. I am a bit nervous about hiring a new maid when the baby would only be 4 months old.
Guess we will see how that works out. If motherhood has taught me anything, the first lesson is that things may not turn out the way you expect them to, and you just have to make a decision that is the best for you and your family, at that point in time. Of course, you should plan for the future as well, but you can only plan so much, the future changes. A second valuable lesson I have learned is, to be open to changes and not be so rigid with what you used to think your life would be, because what you used to imagine, was only imagination, and it could be totally different from the real thing / experience. And most of all, motherhood changes you in ways you could never have thought possible.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Month 21: Puzzles
Xuan’s latest interest is doing puzzles. She loves it, and is really good at it too. Sometimes I wonder if having an interest or hobby is something that can be passed from generation to generation genetically? You see, H’s hobby used to be doing jigsaw puzzles. The walls in his parents’ house used to be lines with his 1000 pieces puzzles. After we started dating, he had less and less time to do puzzles, as he was travelling for work from Sunday night until Friday night. And he spent the rest of his time with me.
Once, he bought a 2000 piece puzzle of a beautiful autumn scene in a park, I told him that it reminded me of my university campus. We did the puzzle together, but it was really huge, and took us so long...when we had to move house, we carefully packed the completed parts together in the box, to be transported to our new home...but so far, we have not unpacked it and finished it. Perhaps Xuan will help us finish it when she is bigger?
This is just one of the ways Xuan takes after H, just like the identical green circle birthmark that they both have on their left shoulder, it is H’s “chop” on her, to show that she is his.
Xuan started doing a 20 piece Winnie the Pooh puzzle, when she was 17 months old. It took her less than a week to master that. Then we gave her more and more complex puzzles, until now, she can do a 48 piece puzzle with odd shapes and sizes. She can even do a 80 piece puzzle, that is separated into 4 sections of 20 pieces. She loves doing puzzles so much, that she would destroy the puzzled saying “mix mix, again again” immediately after she puts in the last piece, leaving her admirers no time to “ooohhh” and “aaahhhh” over the completed picture!
Once, he bought a 2000 piece puzzle of a beautiful autumn scene in a park, I told him that it reminded me of my university campus. We did the puzzle together, but it was really huge, and took us so long...when we had to move house, we carefully packed the completed parts together in the box, to be transported to our new home...but so far, we have not unpacked it and finished it. Perhaps Xuan will help us finish it when she is bigger?
This is just one of the ways Xuan takes after H, just like the identical green circle birthmark that they both have on their left shoulder, it is H’s “chop” on her, to show that she is his.
Xuan started doing a 20 piece Winnie the Pooh puzzle, when she was 17 months old. It took her less than a week to master that. Then we gave her more and more complex puzzles, until now, she can do a 48 piece puzzle with odd shapes and sizes. She can even do a 80 piece puzzle, that is separated into 4 sections of 20 pieces. She loves doing puzzles so much, that she would destroy the puzzled saying “mix mix, again again” immediately after she puts in the last piece, leaving her admirers no time to “ooohhh” and “aaahhhh” over the completed picture!
Month 20: Bali Trip
A few days after we saw the positive HPT, we went to see the doctor and it as confirmed I was pregnant. We were relieved when the doctor told us that we could still go on our Bali trip a few days later. So on 10-Aug-2010, H, X, my mom, my sister and I flew to Bali for 8 days. It as Xuan’s first time on a plane and her first trip overseas. She handled the 3 hour flight very well, she didn’t cry...but she didn’t sleep either. H and I were busy entertaining her and handing her back and forth between ourselves across the aisle. Luckily, I was sitting next to a kind Frenchman with his 10 year old son. He was very understanding and entertaining with Xuan, letting her scribble all over his hotel booking and itinerary with his son’s colored pens!
By the time we reached the hotel in Kuta, Bali, it was already 11pm. Way past Xuan’s bedtime, and she did not sleep on the plane. As usual, she was hyperactive and excited to be in a new place. I was afraid that it would take her ages to settle down to sleep. Luckily, and probably because she was so tired, she just hugged her green bear (her latest lovey, my sister insisted that we bring this and I threw it into the backpack at the last minute), closed her eyes and went to sleep.
The next day, we travelled to Ubud. The hotel was nice and cosy. We had a room on the 1st floor with a big balcony, overlooking a fish pond. Xuan loved going outside to look at the fishpond. Her limited vocabulary expanded to include “GO!! GO!! GO!!” to tell us that she wanted to go outside. Again, she did not take her afternoon nap, she was too busy exploring the room. We went to a restaurant called Pizza Bagus for dinner. By that time, she was so exhausted, she just fell asleep in the high chair before the food arrived. It was kind of strange to eat pizza in Bali, but the pizza was delicious. What else was delicious, was the smell of grilled seafood wrafting into the restaurant from next door. We planned to check that place out for the next meal.
We spent the next couple of days exploring Ubud and the surrounding areas – temples, palaces, etc. One day was devoted to relaxing. We had leisurely breakfast at the lobby balcony, overlooking the paddy fields. Then my sister, my mom and I went for a spa treatment while H took care of Xuan. The spa was ok, except for the first 20 minutes when we had to endure loud ceremonial music from the road outside as there was some ceremonial procession going by. I was a little nervous about having a massage while pregnant, some people advise against that, but I did tell the masseuse and she said it was OK as long as she was gentle and didn’t massage my abdomen.
After the massage, we went back to the hotel and found out that Xuan had a little accident. While we were having our spa treatment, H took Xuan to walk around Ubud town. After a while, it was hot, so he went into a bakery-cum-cafe to get a drink. Our little girl, as usual, was too enthusiastic when she saw the fruit juice and tried to pull the glass towards herself for a drink. The glass slipped and broke against the table. H checked Xuan to see if she was ok, she as not crying. H found that a piece of broken glass had fallen and cut Xuan’s leg, she was bleeding. He hurriedly paid for the drink and rushed back to the hotel to ask the receptionist for the nearest clinic. The receptionist told him that the shuttle car was not in, but offered to send H and Xuan to the nearest clinic on motorcycle. Up to this point, Xuan did not cry at all, but when they got on the motorcycle, she started wailing! She continued wailing at the clinic while the doctor cleaned and bandaged her wound. The cut was about 1.5 inches long on her left calf. The doctor told us to keep her leg dry for a few days and to wash the wound with saline water everyday, put yellow medicine and change the dressing.
After that, Xuan had stopped crying but she did not want to get back on the motorcycle, so H tipped the driver and walked back to the hotel, as it was only a 10 minute walk. When I went back to the room, Xuan had already recovered from her ordeal and was playing on the bed. However, if anyone asked her “What happened to your leg?” she would started crying and point to her cut. Once, my sister asked her “What happened to your leg?”, Xuan started whimpering and pointed to her right leg...then my sister told her “That’s the wrong leg!” and Xuan quickly pointed to her left leg instead! From this experience, Xuan learned another word “Cut, cut”.
Mid-way through our trip, my morning sickness started. I felt nausea almost constantly, in the car, not in the car, sitting up, lying down, when walking. I felt like puking all the time, regardless whether I ate, or didn’t eat, when I drank water. I was puking all over Bali island, at restaurants, shopping malls, hotel toilets. It was as bad as when I was pregnant with Xuan, and I was only halfway through 6 weeks. If this went along the same lines as my first pregnancy, I would be nauseous and pukey for another 10 weeks. Poor H tried to comfort me, but he couldn’t resist saying “I told you it was ok if we only have Xuan!”
After 3 days in Ubud, we went back to Kuta and moved into a hotel apartment, The apartment was spacious and comfortable, very new and modern. We were on the ground floor, facing the swimming pool and Xuan kept wanting to go outside but we were reluctant to let her swim as we were suppose to keep her wound dry. In the end we relented and let her have a quick 15 minute dip in the pool, she enjoyed splashing everyone tremendously, after which we had to drag her kicking and screaming out of the swimming pool.
In Kuta, we mostly ate, walked around and shopped. We had a brief visit to the beach, but again, didn’t go in as didn’t want sand and water to get into Xuan’s wound. On the eigth day, we flew home. The flight home was ok. Although we had a lovely trip, it was a relief to be home again, to sleep in our own bed, without Xuan sleeping spreadeagle across, forming the letter “H” as H and I clung to the sides of the bed, trying not to fall off!
Here are some pictures from our Bali trip:
By the time we reached the hotel in Kuta, Bali, it was already 11pm. Way past Xuan’s bedtime, and she did not sleep on the plane. As usual, she was hyperactive and excited to be in a new place. I was afraid that it would take her ages to settle down to sleep. Luckily, and probably because she was so tired, she just hugged her green bear (her latest lovey, my sister insisted that we bring this and I threw it into the backpack at the last minute), closed her eyes and went to sleep.
The next day, we travelled to Ubud. The hotel was nice and cosy. We had a room on the 1st floor with a big balcony, overlooking a fish pond. Xuan loved going outside to look at the fishpond. Her limited vocabulary expanded to include “GO!! GO!! GO!!” to tell us that she wanted to go outside. Again, she did not take her afternoon nap, she was too busy exploring the room. We went to a restaurant called Pizza Bagus for dinner. By that time, she was so exhausted, she just fell asleep in the high chair before the food arrived. It was kind of strange to eat pizza in Bali, but the pizza was delicious. What else was delicious, was the smell of grilled seafood wrafting into the restaurant from next door. We planned to check that place out for the next meal.
We spent the next couple of days exploring Ubud and the surrounding areas – temples, palaces, etc. One day was devoted to relaxing. We had leisurely breakfast at the lobby balcony, overlooking the paddy fields. Then my sister, my mom and I went for a spa treatment while H took care of Xuan. The spa was ok, except for the first 20 minutes when we had to endure loud ceremonial music from the road outside as there was some ceremonial procession going by. I was a little nervous about having a massage while pregnant, some people advise against that, but I did tell the masseuse and she said it was OK as long as she was gentle and didn’t massage my abdomen.
After the massage, we went back to the hotel and found out that Xuan had a little accident. While we were having our spa treatment, H took Xuan to walk around Ubud town. After a while, it was hot, so he went into a bakery-cum-cafe to get a drink. Our little girl, as usual, was too enthusiastic when she saw the fruit juice and tried to pull the glass towards herself for a drink. The glass slipped and broke against the table. H checked Xuan to see if she was ok, she as not crying. H found that a piece of broken glass had fallen and cut Xuan’s leg, she was bleeding. He hurriedly paid for the drink and rushed back to the hotel to ask the receptionist for the nearest clinic. The receptionist told him that the shuttle car was not in, but offered to send H and Xuan to the nearest clinic on motorcycle. Up to this point, Xuan did not cry at all, but when they got on the motorcycle, she started wailing! She continued wailing at the clinic while the doctor cleaned and bandaged her wound. The cut was about 1.5 inches long on her left calf. The doctor told us to keep her leg dry for a few days and to wash the wound with saline water everyday, put yellow medicine and change the dressing.
After that, Xuan had stopped crying but she did not want to get back on the motorcycle, so H tipped the driver and walked back to the hotel, as it was only a 10 minute walk. When I went back to the room, Xuan had already recovered from her ordeal and was playing on the bed. However, if anyone asked her “What happened to your leg?” she would started crying and point to her cut. Once, my sister asked her “What happened to your leg?”, Xuan started whimpering and pointed to her right leg...then my sister told her “That’s the wrong leg!” and Xuan quickly pointed to her left leg instead! From this experience, Xuan learned another word “Cut, cut”.
Mid-way through our trip, my morning sickness started. I felt nausea almost constantly, in the car, not in the car, sitting up, lying down, when walking. I felt like puking all the time, regardless whether I ate, or didn’t eat, when I drank water. I was puking all over Bali island, at restaurants, shopping malls, hotel toilets. It was as bad as when I was pregnant with Xuan, and I was only halfway through 6 weeks. If this went along the same lines as my first pregnancy, I would be nauseous and pukey for another 10 weeks. Poor H tried to comfort me, but he couldn’t resist saying “I told you it was ok if we only have Xuan!”
After 3 days in Ubud, we went back to Kuta and moved into a hotel apartment, The apartment was spacious and comfortable, very new and modern. We were on the ground floor, facing the swimming pool and Xuan kept wanting to go outside but we were reluctant to let her swim as we were suppose to keep her wound dry. In the end we relented and let her have a quick 15 minute dip in the pool, she enjoyed splashing everyone tremendously, after which we had to drag her kicking and screaming out of the swimming pool.
In Kuta, we mostly ate, walked around and shopped. We had a brief visit to the beach, but again, didn’t go in as didn’t want sand and water to get into Xuan’s wound. On the eigth day, we flew home. The flight home was ok. Although we had a lovely trip, it was a relief to be home again, to sleep in our own bed, without Xuan sleeping spreadeagle across, forming the letter “H” as H and I clung to the sides of the bed, trying not to fall off!
Here are some pictures from our Bali trip:
This is the lobby of the hotel we stayed in, in Ubud. Our room is the one of the rooms on the left.
Xuan loves to go out to the balcony to look at the view. What is she looking at?
Our balcony looks out to a scenic and peaceful view of the paddy fields
Our room also looks out into a little fish pond, and Xuan loves to point out the fish and birds, and keeps asking us to take her out..."Go...go...GO!!!!"
This is the hotel pool, looks so lovely, but we didn't get to swim in it, because of Xuan's cut on her leg
Xuan wearing her sunglasses. She doesn't like the sun shining into her eyes, and would ask me for her sunglasses :)
Yummy grilled seafood. The restaurant owner actually called the chef to come to the restaurant just to cook for us (we were early and hungry)
This is one of the rooms in the apartment we booked in Kuta
The living room of the apartment
The view of the swimming pool from our apartment
One of the temples we visited
The famous Tanah Lot
Hanging out with cold drinks at Tanah Lot
Month 19: Going Back to Work Surprise
At the end of May, H and I decided that I would call the office to find out if there was a work from home role available for me, to go back to work. It was a compromise of sorts, as he did not want me to spend too much energy and time on work, and dealing with stress, the end result being that I would be to exhausted and tired to spend time with Xuan and at home. I agreed, as I did not relish spending a couple of hours a day being stuck in traffic when I can be at home with Xuan, or working late nights and not spending time together as a family.
Luckily for me, my boss is a very caring and wonderful boss, she directed me to talk to someone for potential roles that allow me to work from home, and after a couple of conversations with him, I ended up with a new role, reporting to him as my new boss. I can’t thank my old boss enough, for being a fantastic boss when I was working with her, and now, she was kind enough to help me look for another role. So, in early-July it was decided that I would go back to work, starting 1-Sept-2010.
Then started a whirlwind of activities involving us looking for a maid to take care of Xuan, under my mom’s supervision when I go into office to work, or under my supervision when I would work from home. It was not easy trying to find agency and biodata that we felt comfortable with. Furthermore, we didn’t really have time to look around, as we had less than 2 months to get the maid here before I start work. Thanks to a lovely and selfless friend who recommended a maid agency to us, we found an agent that we felt comfortable with, as she asked detailed questions about our needs and expectations, and she was also truthful to us that she might not be able to give us a biodata, as she had a long client waiting list, including my friend, who was looking for a maid to replace her current maid. Finally, the agent sent us a biodata, and we decided to go with this maid. Then I found out that this biodata was actually sent to my friend, and she selflessly asked the agent to give that biodata to me instead, as she knew we needed to maid urgently by September.
Just when everything was settled...H and I had a surprise. I was late for 4 days...and we were wondering...could it be? To be honest, I couldn’t believe that we could be...we weren’t even trying. However, I am usually very regular, plus minus 1 or 2 days at the most, and the only other time I was late for 4 days was when we found out we were pregnant with Xuan. I couldn’t help hoping, but also couldn’t help thinking that the timing was less than ideal...I felt that Xuan was still so young...she is not even 2. In addition, I was due back to work in a month...and knowing me, my morning sickness would be horrendous. I could not imagine going back to work, taking care of Xuan, feeling exhausted and throwing up 5 times a day, all at the same time. But sure enough, when we did the HPT on Sunday morning, 1-Aug-2010, there were 2 lines!
Luckily for me, my boss is a very caring and wonderful boss, she directed me to talk to someone for potential roles that allow me to work from home, and after a couple of conversations with him, I ended up with a new role, reporting to him as my new boss. I can’t thank my old boss enough, for being a fantastic boss when I was working with her, and now, she was kind enough to help me look for another role. So, in early-July it was decided that I would go back to work, starting 1-Sept-2010.
Then started a whirlwind of activities involving us looking for a maid to take care of Xuan, under my mom’s supervision when I go into office to work, or under my supervision when I would work from home. It was not easy trying to find agency and biodata that we felt comfortable with. Furthermore, we didn’t really have time to look around, as we had less than 2 months to get the maid here before I start work. Thanks to a lovely and selfless friend who recommended a maid agency to us, we found an agent that we felt comfortable with, as she asked detailed questions about our needs and expectations, and she was also truthful to us that she might not be able to give us a biodata, as she had a long client waiting list, including my friend, who was looking for a maid to replace her current maid. Finally, the agent sent us a biodata, and we decided to go with this maid. Then I found out that this biodata was actually sent to my friend, and she selflessly asked the agent to give that biodata to me instead, as she knew we needed to maid urgently by September.
Just when everything was settled...H and I had a surprise. I was late for 4 days...and we were wondering...could it be? To be honest, I couldn’t believe that we could be...we weren’t even trying. However, I am usually very regular, plus minus 1 or 2 days at the most, and the only other time I was late for 4 days was when we found out we were pregnant with Xuan. I couldn’t help hoping, but also couldn’t help thinking that the timing was less than ideal...I felt that Xuan was still so young...she is not even 2. In addition, I was due back to work in a month...and knowing me, my morning sickness would be horrendous. I could not imagine going back to work, taking care of Xuan, feeling exhausted and throwing up 5 times a day, all at the same time. But sure enough, when we did the HPT on Sunday morning, 1-Aug-2010, there were 2 lines!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Month 18: 18 Things I Love About Xuan
To commemorate Xuan turning 18 months, I decided to write a post on 18 quirky things I love about Xuan that just shows her character and personality:
(1) Little Monica – Can obsessive-compulsive disorder be inherited? H would say yes. He insists that Xuan takes after me in Monica-ness. When she eats, sometimes she would drop something on the table, and she would insist on cleaning or get me to clean it before she resumes eating. She hates black marks whether they are on her highchair or her hands, as a result of her scribbling with a pen. Xuan loves to wipe tables, chairs, toys with hankies or a wet wipe. She has a serious hanky fetish. One night, she wanted the hanky I was using for her wipedown, but I wouldn't give it to her. She went to her laundry basket to look for a used hanky, but couldn't find one. The next thing we knew, she was shaking the laundry rack and we couldn't figure out why, until H looked up and saw a hanky hanging there. We think she was trying to shake to rack to get the hanky to drop down, so she could get it!
(2) Gadget Chick – Xuan loves handphones, cordless phones, remote controls, electronic keys, blackberries, cameras, camcorders, etc. When Xuan was 16 months old, we went to my in-laws place for a visit. While she was there, she discovered that they have a remote controlled fan and she could turn the fan on/off with the control. A week later, we took Xuan to my mother’s house and she found a little remote control similar to her one at my in-laws house. She picked it up and pointed the remote control at the fan and pressed the buttons. When nothing happened, she looked at me and said “oh” while gesturing at the fan and twisting her hand. I think she remembered she could turn off the fan at my in-laws’ house and was wondering why she could not do the same at my mom’s place.
(3) Playful Baby – Xuan is a very playful and enthusiastic baby. She loves to play peakaboo. She would hide behind curtains or chairs and yell out “tak!”, which is her baby version of “chak!” When one of us carries her and the other hides behind doors and walls to play peakaboo, she pumps her body and legs up and down in excitement and squeals with laughter. Xuan likes to bounce enthusiastically on pillows, bolsters, mummy and daddy. Recently, she accidentally knocked her head against mine and I let out a loud “ouch”. For some reason, she finds this really funny and would lean forward and gently knock her head against ours, just for fun. She is also extremely ticklish, the slightest tickle in her ear, neck, ribs and legs would send her into peals of laughter.
(4) Scaredy-Cat – Xuan has a little green vein on the bridge of her nose that is just visible when you look carefully. My mother-in-law says that babies with this vein tend to scare easily. True enough, Xuan is scared of insects, lifts, thunder, the blinking lights on the alarm panel, etc. When Xuan turned 12 months, she could tell us whenever she was scared, by patting herself on her chest. Once, Xuan was hogging the Sudoku puzzle that H was trying to do, when she suddenly realised that her hands were covered with black ink squiggles, and she had a major freakout moment. This was all nicely captured on video:
(5) Bookworm – Xuan loves to look at books, magazines, newspapers, letters, brochures, pamphlets, company annual reports and even receipts! When she was 4 months old, I gave her a magazine to amuse herself with while I was doing some housework, the next time I checked on her, a corner of a page was missing and I had to dig out the remnants from her mouth!
(7) Small Baby with Tiny Appetite but Boundless Energy – When Xuan was born, she was below the average newborn weight of 3kg. In the first 6 months, she became quite a chubby baby and was comfortably above the 50th percentile in the Weight Graph. Since she turned 9 months old, her weight gain has been excruciatingly slow and now she hovers just above the 3rd percentile! Her paediatrician has been urging us to feed her more, but Xuan just doesn’t eat much. The amount of food she eats can be measured in teaspoons! Thank goodness, her appetite has improved recently, although she still doesn’t eat much, she certainly wants to eat almost everything!
(8) Small Baby with Big Ego – Xuan has no problem with her self-esteem. When she began feeding herself at 14 months, she would stop after each mouthful, look expectantly at us and clap her hands to show us what a clever girl she was. She would also expect us to clap our hands along with her!
(9) Generous Baby – Xuan loves to share her food and drinks, after she takes a sip from a drink, she would point at H or me and ask us to take a sip too. When we ask her if we can have some of her food, she will nod her head most of the time. Aside from feeding herself, she also wants to feed H and me her food. The problem is, sometimes she wants to feed us her leftover food...from her mouth! Well, it may sound disgusting, but she is our baby! The only food she refuses to share with us is watermelon. Watermelon is her favourite food by fair, and when we ask her “Xuan, can Mummy/Papa eat your watermelon?” She would shake her head vehemently and start shoving the watermelon pieces into her mouth.
(10) Sudoku Fan – Xuan loves to do Sudoku with H. Whenever she sees him laying the newspaper on the floor with the Sudoku page, she will park herself in between him and the paper, sometimes sitting on the newspaper. She will ask for a pen and scribble all over the Sudoku puzzle. Half the time H can’t finish his Sudoku puzzle because it’s all covered with Xuan’s scribbles! This is a picture of Xuan doing Sudoku with her Daddy:
(11) Hot Babe – Xuan is sensitive to heat. She doesn’t like hot food and if we tell her to be careful because her food is hot, she would not eat it, or blow on it before she puts it in her mouth. She would sign “hot” by waving her hand in front of her face and blowing. She also doesn’t like to go out in the hot sun. If we go out in the afternoon, she would cover her face, wave her hand in front of her face and pull on the collar of her shirt to tell us that it was hot.
She also doesn’t like spicy food. A couple of months ago, Xuan wanted to drink the tom yam soup I was drinking although I told her that it was “lat lat” (spicy) while waving my hand in front of my face. She still insisted on having the soup, so I gave her a little taste and she burst out crying and rubbing her lips. A month later, I was eating some Korean noodles, which were also spicy and Xuan again wanted to have some. My mom told her that the noodles were “lat lat”. Immediately, Xuan waved her hand in front of her face and shook her head when I offered her some. She remembered what “lat lat” meant and didn’t want to eat the noodles anymore.
(12) Addictive Personality – Xuan starting to show that she has quite an addictive personality. Aside from being addicted to the TV, she is also addicted to juice and jam. Once, I gave Xuan some mango juice as I was using the juice to disguise her cold medicine. This worked like a charm and she would down the medicine with no complains, compared to 2 adults struggling to hold her down and syringe the medicine down her throat (which only caused her to choke and throw everything back up). The problem was, she really loved the mango juice and kept walking to the fridge and crying until we gave her more juice. After she recovered, I decided not to have any more juice in the house. Xuan behaved like a recovering drug addict suffering withdrawal syndrome characterised by temper tantrums and uncontrollable crying. I told H that I felt like I was weaning Xuan all over again, after weaning her from breastmilk, I had to wean her from juice!
(13) Stubborn Xuan – Xuan has a stubborn streak a mile wide. H says that she got it from me, but of course I think she got it from her. I just hope she didn’t get it from both of us, that would spell trouble. It gets tiresome when she whines and whines for things that she wants, like the TV or H’s blackberry or some food that she’s not suppose to eat. A week ago, we had to let Xuan sleep in the buff when she insisted on taking off her clothes and refused when we tried to make her wear her pajamas. After 15 minutes, we gave up and just let her run around stark naked, and she settled down to sleep by herself within 5 minutes.
(14) Baby Babble – For the past month, Xuan’s talking has increased 100 fold. She doesn’t say many actual words, words that we understand. But she chatters and talks almost non-stop making so many different sounds and sound combinations that actually, I am surprised she’s not talking much yet. She sounds like she is speaking several foreign languages, she started with Tamil, then spoke French for a while and occasionally speaks Japanese. When we talk to her, she would respond to us, just like she was having a conversation, but we don’t understand what she is saying. She loves to grab any handphone or cordless phone, hold it up to her ear and “talk”, even when there is no one on the other side. The funny thing is, she doesn’t talk when there is someone on the other side, she would just hold the phone and listen. She loves to listen to H’s voice on the phone when he calls home, and almost always cries when he hangs up. Before bedtime, she would babble on and on, perfectly happy to carry a one sided conversation peppered with H or me saying “Xuan, go to sleep!”
(15) Expressive Baby – Xuan still doesn’t talk much as 18 months. However, she understands a lot of things we say and is very good at communicating what she wants. For instance, she has always been sensitive to the gravity force when we go into the lifts. Even when she was a few months old, she would grimace until her face turned red. When Xuan was around 16 months old, we went into a lift and she gestured to us that she was scared by patting herself on the chest. We asked her, why are you scared?” and she responded by showing a falling motion with her hand. H and I were so surprised, we think she was trying to explain to us the falling motion of the lift that she doesn’t like.
(16) Affectionate Baby – Xuan didn’t use to be affectionate at all. For months, we would be spurned by her whenever we asked for hugs and kisses. Recently, she seems to have gotten in touch with her inner self. Now, she spontaneously lavishes us with hugs and kisses. She would run towards us and suddenly hug our legs. Or she would come and kiss us, without being asked. Actually, that only happens when she is trying to get us to turn on the TV for her. Usually, H would ask Xuan for a kiss if she wanted him to turn on the TV. One day, I told her no when she asked me to turn on the TV, she turned towards me and kissed me, then pointed at the TV. I was so shocked (my heart experienced spontaneous combustion) that I turned on the TV for her! The other day, H got a nice surprise when he was walking up the stairs. She pointed at our decorative couple kissing statues and turned up her face to him for a kiss. Wow, that must have melted daddy’s heart!
(17) Naughty Baby – Xuan is a naughty girl sometimes. And she knows it too. When she drops/throws something from the highchair on purpose, or has done something wrong, she would look at us in the eye, and swat herself on her arm while say “thump!” Maybe she is hoping that by swatting herself first, we would not swat her ourselves. It is hard not to laugh sometimes, when she does this. I wish I could get this on video camera, but I have not been successful so far.
(18) Strange Sleep Habits – Since Xuan was weaned, she has developed some strange sleeping habits. She has always been a restless sleeper, easily covering all four corners of her queen size mattress in one night. Often, we would find her partly on the floor. Sometimes she would want me to pat her to sleep, or rub her feet, or massage her legs, or stroke her cheek, or just hold her hand. When H was on leave for a week, Xuan grew attached to him, and would only want him to massage and rub her feet. Sometimes, H and I both have to rub one foot at the same time. Once, she actually slept naked because she didn’t want to wear any pajamas. Yesterday, she fell asleep with half her body under the dresser. The whole of today, for her nap and bedtime, she insisted on sleeping on the floor instead of on her mattress. I wouldn’t be surprised, if one day I would find her snoring in the bathtub or hanging upside down sleeping like a bat!
18 Months Milestones:
Weight – 9.0 kg
Height - 74 cm
Xuan can walk very well, run, climb up and down the sofa, climb up and down the stairs by herself. She can feed herself very well. She can complete a 20 piece jigsaw puzzle by herself. She knows her left from her right. She will let me know once she has done a poo in her diaper.
She can say “papa”, “mama”, “star”, “bath”, “there”, “mum mum”, “nah” and her all time favourite is “no no no no” while shaking her head or pointing her finger at you! When we ask her where certain items are (umbrella, bear, car, etc), she will say “there” and point to the item. When I ask her what happened to a bracelet of mine which she once broke, she would say “prak!” and fling her arms open to show how she broke it. A couple of days ago, she started saying “pou pou” while holding up her arms when she wants us to carry her.
Although Xuan doesn’t really say many actual words, she seems to understand us quite well. She can follow simple instructions such as “keep your blocks”, “park your truck”, “go sit on the sofa”, etc. When we ask her “where is the ball/book?”, she would fling herself flat on the ground and peer under the sofa. When we ask her questions like “where is your milk” – she walks and points to the fridge, “where do you go bathe?” – she walks to the bathroom and says “bath bath” while patting herself on the chest with both arms. When I ask her to “close your eyes and go to sleep”, she will cover her eyes with her hands. She also loves to nod her head or shake her head while saying “nah” or “no” when we ask her questions, although her answers are not always consistent. Her yes/no answers are more consistent when we ask her what she wants to eat “Banana? Bread? Cheese? Banana cookie? Cranberries?” Xuan loves to go out, so whenever we ask her if she wants to go “kai kai”, she will clap her hands and walk to the door.
She can understand and sign the following words / actions: kiss, hug, pain (pat side of head), sleep (put hand at side of neck), star (open and close both palms held up), elephant (pat ear), clap hands, friend (pat someone on the shoulder), wash hands (rub hands together), rub tummy with oil (rub hands together), scared (pat chest with hand), socks, shoes (point at feet), close eyes (cover eyes with hands), giraffe (point at neck), “kai kai” (means going out, she will clap her hands), clever girl (clap her hands in self praise), spectacles / sunglasses (put thumb and fingers together in front of her eyes), hat (pat hands on head), dress (pat her chest), “lat lat” (means spicy, wave hand in front of mouth), hot (for food, wave hand in front of mouth), hot (for weather, pull on collar of shirt), “pou pou” (means full, she pats her tummy), put lotion (rub hands on legs), bracelet (pat her wrist), watch (pat wrist), rubiks cube (put hands close together and twists them), mum mum (means hungry / eat, she points at her mouth and says “mum mum”), and drink milk / water (put her hands by the side of her mouth, tilts her head up and slurps!).
When we say the following words, she can identify or point at the corresponding pictures:
- Anatomy: head, hair, eyes, nose, mouth, neck, stomach, hands, legs, knees, feet, toes
- Clothes: spectacles / sunglasses, hat, dress, watch, socks, shoes, slippers
- Items in the House: light, fan, bathtub, bed, window, door, sofa, vase, television, telephone, table, chair, dustbin, ball, comb, balloon, candles, umbrella, teddy bear, clock, rubiks cube
- Items in the Kitchen: teapot, sink, spoon, straw, cup
- Items in the Garden: flowers, bird, fountain
- Nature / Weather: rainbow, rain, stars
- Fruits: watermelon, apple, orange, papaya, banana,orange
- Food: carrot, broccoli, pumpkin, fruit juice, bread, cake, biscuit, Cheerios, cheese, jam, milk
- Animals: elephant, lion, tiger, giraffe, panda, orang-utan, monkey, butterfly, dragonfly, spider, ladybird, fish, bird
- Musical Instruments: drum, piano, guitar
- Vehicles: car, bus, train, motorcycle, van, bicycle, ambulance, aeroplane, oil tanker
- Verbs: clap, cook, cry, dance, drink, eat, draw, kiss, laugh
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Month 17: Weaning War...Conclusion
Finally, I am writing about how I weaned Xuan. This has been a long journey (therefore this would be a loooooooong post), beginning when Xuan was 7 months old and thwarted all our efforts to get her to drink from a bottle. The Bottle Battle resulted in a score of Xuan 1: Mummy 0. And again, when Xuan was 13 months she refused all the various formulas we tried to introduce. The Formula Fight score was Xuan 2: Mummy 0. The outcome of weaning Xuan did not bode well for me. Luckily, over the past couple of months, Xuan has started drinking cow’s milk from her sippy cup. She has slowly increased her milk intake from 2 oz/day to between 12 to 15oz/day. Current score is Xuan 2: Mummy 1.
Ultimately though, what I really want to win is the Weaning War. And this is definitely the hardest challenge so far. You see, Xuan only knows how to go to sleep by breastfeeding to sleep. As she doesn’t know how to fall asleep by herself, every time she wakes up in the middle of the night, which happens 2 – 4 times a night, the only way I can get her to go back to sleep is by breastfeeding her. The main reason I want to wean is because I think she can benefit from a better night of sleep, and who am I kidding, I could certainly benefit from a better night of sleep, after being sleep deprived for more than a year. So before I can even wean Xuan, what I really need to do, is to teach her to fall asleep by herself.
The good thing was, since Xuan turned one, I had noticed that there were a few times when she actually fell asleep by herself after she stopped breastfeeding. This did not happen often, maybe only two nights a month, but it was definitely an improvement. There were also a few nights when she slept 7 – 9 hours without waking up. Maybe weaning Xuan before she goes to college will not be impossible afterall!
After obsessing and thinking about this for a long time, I finally decided to set a target of mid-June to wean X. From end of April to mid-June, I would try various methods to teach Xuan to fall asleep without breastfeeding. If all else fails, I asked H to take one week of leave in mid-June, in anticipation that we would need to sleep train Xuan and let her cry-it-out, as a last resort. I doubt that any of us would get much sleep during the first few nights, and we would need to help each other out to get through the days.
I also decided to email Nicole from The Baby Sleep Site (https://www.babysleepsite.com/) for help. I had been reading the sleep articles from this website for a few months now, and I like the philosophy of how she tailors sleep training to suit each individual baby, parent and situation without any judgements. Nicole reverted to me with a Sleep Plan.
Summary of Sleep Plan:
Nights 1-3: Work on bedtime for her to fall asleep on her own. Can nurse to sleep but not all the way to sleep. If she cries, try to soothe her to sleep by patting, shushing, to stop crying.
Nights 4-7: Work on night-wakings with just one feeding. She goes back to sleep on her own for all others.
Nights 8-14: Start moving the one feeding later and later by 30 minutes until she is no longer eating at night at all.
Nights 15-21: Start working on naps, first focusing on going to sleep at nap time and then going back to sleep and napping her full time.
Day 22+: Start weaning completely starting with one feeding every 3-4 days or so.
Nicole’s plan was quite long, but it was something that I was comfortable with as I felt it was achievable. More importantly, she took into consideration my uneasiness of letting Xuan cry at night due to my low tolerance for her crying . We also live in a townhouse and I vary of keeping the neighbours up all night with Xuan’s crying.
Once I started, this was how things actually turned out:
29 Apr to 4 May: I did Xuan’s bedtime routine of yoghurt, diaper change, wipe down, pajamas and breastfeed. I stopped breastfeeding her before she fell asleep. She tossed and turned with periodic bouts of crying and fell asleep herself within 10 minutes. Xuan still woke up 2 – 4 times in the middle of the night, and I would breastfeed her to put her back to sleep. I was surprised that it was not that difficult to get Xuan to fall sleep off the breast, but I was beginning to think that the really difficult part would be getting her to go back to sleep in the middle of the night.
5 May to 7 May: Since Xuan was learning to fall asleep after I stop breastfeeding her to sleep at bedtime, I decided to try the same for naps, just to see how she would take it. I remember the first day I did it, she played a little after I stopped and then she started to cry. I pretended to sleep and lay down next to her, but facing away from her. Poor Xuan cried for 10 minutes and when I finally relented, I turned my face towards her, and she immediately quiet down. While I softly stroked her face, she just closed her eyes and fell asleep within seconds. This reinforced my belief that cry-it-out would not work for Xuan, If I leave her to fall asleep in the room by herself, she would go berserk and cry non-stop. When I stay in the room with her, I can help her fall asleep by soothing her in other ways.
8 May to 13 May: On 8 May, Xuan gave me the best Mother’s Day gift present. She fell asleep at night without breastfeeding AT ALL, and she SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT for 10 hours without waking up! I was so proud of her! After this, Xuan would fall asleep by herself at night without breastfeeding.
14 May to 17 May: Xuan had a 2 hour long tantrum on 14 May. When her naptime came, I was so exhausted from dealing with her tantrum, I fell asleep before Xuan did. When I woke up, Xuan had fallen asleep on my legs. This was the first time she fell asleep by herself at naptime without breastfeeding. The next day, Xuan’s tantrum terror continued during a trip back to H’s hometown to visit his parents. Xuan had so much fun the whole day with her grandparents and aunt that she refused to take her nap. At bedtime, she kept crying and crying in the room until I relented and decided to breastfeed her. She didn’t want to feed and kept crying. I was afraid she was ill. Finally, H figured out that our devious little girl wanted to go outside where all the action was. By that time, everyone had gone to bed. So I took Xuan out to the living room to show her that there was nobody there and it was all dark. When I asked her what she wanted to do, she pointed back to the bedroom. Finally, she fell asleep after that. The next couple of nights were also challenging as Xuan threw tantrums during bedtime lasting up to an hour. One night she didn’t want to wear her pajamas, and another night she just didn’t want to stop playing.
18 May to 31 May: By now, Xuan can fall asleep herself for naps and bedtime without breastfeeding. A couple of times, she even fell asleep in her highchair. I knew she was tired and I was trying to finish washing the lunch dishes. In the short 5 minutes it took me to wash the dishes, I turned around and Xuan had fallen asleep in her highchair! The sleep quality of her naps also improved as she can consistently sleep for 1.5 to 2.5 hours by herself. Previously, she would wake up 1 – 2 times within a 1 to 2 hour nap and need me to breastfeed her back to sleep.
Previously, Xuan would wake up 2 – 4 times a night and I needed to breastfeed her back to sleep. Nicole’s Sleep Plan had included a part where I was to delay breastfeeding Xuan by 30 minutes every night, when she woke up at night so that she would eventually learn to fall back asleep herself and sleep through the night. Fortunately, I didn’t have to consciously do this as once Xuan figured out how to fall asleep herself, she naturally began to sleep longer and longer and woke up less often. Soon she was only waking up once around 5am, and this gradually became later and later in the morning.
Towards the end of May, I had reduced the number of breastfeeds down to just the morning feed when Xuan wakes up. I still fed her, partly due to her frantic cries of “mama, mama!” At the very end, I also wanted to savour her closeness, touch her silky smooth cheeks and soft curls. Afterall, I also wanted to remember some good memories of breastfeeding Xuan.
31 May was the last day I breastfed Xuan. Xuan is finally weaned! I am so proud of my baby for weaning so well. I did not ever imagine that I could wean her with the minimum of tears, both hers and mine. I am also proud of myself, for being so disciplined and for sticking to the plan. In truth, I was afraid I would crumble and give up if it turned out to be too hard on Xuan. In fact, I had managed to wean Xuan earlier than the plan Nicole laid out for us. I would attribute this success to knowing Xuan’s temperament well, recognising that she was starting the self-soothe and building on that, and also Nicole’s Sleep Plan and encouragement. I need to add, that I am so, so happy, to be reacquainted with my long lost friend called “Sleep”! Now that I manage a decent 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night, I feel like a brand new mother.
Luckily for H, Xuan was weaned well before his week long holiday in mid-June. He did not have to suffer nights of sleep deprivation listening to Xuan cry (which would have been the worst holiday ever, in my books). Instead, we had a lovely holiday just chilling at home, enjoying some outings, catching up with friends, attended a couple of weddings, and even took Xuan to the Zoo.
As you have probably figured out, breastfeeding has been a constant source of struggle for me since the beginning. In the beginning, I was told not to have formula in the house and that colostrums was enough for the baby. Poor Xuan spent her first night at home crying from hunger. When Xuan was on formula, I tried all sorts of things (papaya soup, fenugreek, lots of pumping) to increase my milk supply so that she would be exclusively on breastmilk. I also delayed introducing the bottle to her as I was afraid she would get nipple confusion. Although I did not have common breastfeeding problems such as mastitis, sore nipples, I had another problem, a baby who only wanted my boob 24 hours, 7 days and nights a week.
By the time Xuan was one year old, I was desperate to wean but she refused to drink from the bottle and refused to drink formula. I was seriously sleep-deprived from existing on 3-4 hour stretches of sleep for more than a year. I was also resenting breastfeeding and dreading weaning (and the accompanying crying) at the same time. I even told H that I would not breastfeed our next child (if we have another child, currently Xuan is four handfuls).
In the end, weaning was not as bad as the nightmare I had built it up to be. But now that I have gone through this breastfeeding and weaning experience, there are some things that I would definitely do differently next time:
(1) Feed the poor hungry newborn baby formula if my milk has not come in
(2) Feed the baby from a bottle at least once a day (to ensure baby doesn’t reject the bottle and so that someone else can feed the baby)
(3) Be open to feeding the baby formula once a day, preferably at night (to help the baby become accustomed to drinking formula and also help baby sleep longer at night)
(4) Get someone else to help put baby to sleep
(5) Help baby to fall asleep herself/himself without relying on feeding
Thank goodness, this would be my last post on breastfeeding and weaning! And I will end this post World Cup style, our final score is Xuan 2: Mummy 2, both baby and mummy win!
Ultimately though, what I really want to win is the Weaning War. And this is definitely the hardest challenge so far. You see, Xuan only knows how to go to sleep by breastfeeding to sleep. As she doesn’t know how to fall asleep by herself, every time she wakes up in the middle of the night, which happens 2 – 4 times a night, the only way I can get her to go back to sleep is by breastfeeding her. The main reason I want to wean is because I think she can benefit from a better night of sleep, and who am I kidding, I could certainly benefit from a better night of sleep, after being sleep deprived for more than a year. So before I can even wean Xuan, what I really need to do, is to teach her to fall asleep by herself.
The good thing was, since Xuan turned one, I had noticed that there were a few times when she actually fell asleep by herself after she stopped breastfeeding. This did not happen often, maybe only two nights a month, but it was definitely an improvement. There were also a few nights when she slept 7 – 9 hours without waking up. Maybe weaning Xuan before she goes to college will not be impossible afterall!
After obsessing and thinking about this for a long time, I finally decided to set a target of mid-June to wean X. From end of April to mid-June, I would try various methods to teach Xuan to fall asleep without breastfeeding. If all else fails, I asked H to take one week of leave in mid-June, in anticipation that we would need to sleep train Xuan and let her cry-it-out, as a last resort. I doubt that any of us would get much sleep during the first few nights, and we would need to help each other out to get through the days.
I also decided to email Nicole from The Baby Sleep Site (https://www.babysleepsite.com/) for help. I had been reading the sleep articles from this website for a few months now, and I like the philosophy of how she tailors sleep training to suit each individual baby, parent and situation without any judgements. Nicole reverted to me with a Sleep Plan.
Summary of Sleep Plan:
Nights 1-3: Work on bedtime for her to fall asleep on her own. Can nurse to sleep but not all the way to sleep. If she cries, try to soothe her to sleep by patting, shushing, to stop crying.
Nights 4-7: Work on night-wakings with just one feeding. She goes back to sleep on her own for all others.
Nights 8-14: Start moving the one feeding later and later by 30 minutes until she is no longer eating at night at all.
Nights 15-21: Start working on naps, first focusing on going to sleep at nap time and then going back to sleep and napping her full time.
Day 22+: Start weaning completely starting with one feeding every 3-4 days or so.
Nicole’s plan was quite long, but it was something that I was comfortable with as I felt it was achievable. More importantly, she took into consideration my uneasiness of letting Xuan cry at night due to my low tolerance for her crying . We also live in a townhouse and I vary of keeping the neighbours up all night with Xuan’s crying.
Once I started, this was how things actually turned out:
29 Apr to 4 May: I did Xuan’s bedtime routine of yoghurt, diaper change, wipe down, pajamas and breastfeed. I stopped breastfeeding her before she fell asleep. She tossed and turned with periodic bouts of crying and fell asleep herself within 10 minutes. Xuan still woke up 2 – 4 times in the middle of the night, and I would breastfeed her to put her back to sleep. I was surprised that it was not that difficult to get Xuan to fall sleep off the breast, but I was beginning to think that the really difficult part would be getting her to go back to sleep in the middle of the night.
5 May to 7 May: Since Xuan was learning to fall asleep after I stop breastfeeding her to sleep at bedtime, I decided to try the same for naps, just to see how she would take it. I remember the first day I did it, she played a little after I stopped and then she started to cry. I pretended to sleep and lay down next to her, but facing away from her. Poor Xuan cried for 10 minutes and when I finally relented, I turned my face towards her, and she immediately quiet down. While I softly stroked her face, she just closed her eyes and fell asleep within seconds. This reinforced my belief that cry-it-out would not work for Xuan, If I leave her to fall asleep in the room by herself, she would go berserk and cry non-stop. When I stay in the room with her, I can help her fall asleep by soothing her in other ways.
8 May to 13 May: On 8 May, Xuan gave me the best Mother’s Day gift present. She fell asleep at night without breastfeeding AT ALL, and she SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT for 10 hours without waking up! I was so proud of her! After this, Xuan would fall asleep by herself at night without breastfeeding.
14 May to 17 May: Xuan had a 2 hour long tantrum on 14 May. When her naptime came, I was so exhausted from dealing with her tantrum, I fell asleep before Xuan did. When I woke up, Xuan had fallen asleep on my legs. This was the first time she fell asleep by herself at naptime without breastfeeding. The next day, Xuan’s tantrum terror continued during a trip back to H’s hometown to visit his parents. Xuan had so much fun the whole day with her grandparents and aunt that she refused to take her nap. At bedtime, she kept crying and crying in the room until I relented and decided to breastfeed her. She didn’t want to feed and kept crying. I was afraid she was ill. Finally, H figured out that our devious little girl wanted to go outside where all the action was. By that time, everyone had gone to bed. So I took Xuan out to the living room to show her that there was nobody there and it was all dark. When I asked her what she wanted to do, she pointed back to the bedroom. Finally, she fell asleep after that. The next couple of nights were also challenging as Xuan threw tantrums during bedtime lasting up to an hour. One night she didn’t want to wear her pajamas, and another night she just didn’t want to stop playing.
18 May to 31 May: By now, Xuan can fall asleep herself for naps and bedtime without breastfeeding. A couple of times, she even fell asleep in her highchair. I knew she was tired and I was trying to finish washing the lunch dishes. In the short 5 minutes it took me to wash the dishes, I turned around and Xuan had fallen asleep in her highchair! The sleep quality of her naps also improved as she can consistently sleep for 1.5 to 2.5 hours by herself. Previously, she would wake up 1 – 2 times within a 1 to 2 hour nap and need me to breastfeed her back to sleep.
Previously, Xuan would wake up 2 – 4 times a night and I needed to breastfeed her back to sleep. Nicole’s Sleep Plan had included a part where I was to delay breastfeeding Xuan by 30 minutes every night, when she woke up at night so that she would eventually learn to fall back asleep herself and sleep through the night. Fortunately, I didn’t have to consciously do this as once Xuan figured out how to fall asleep herself, she naturally began to sleep longer and longer and woke up less often. Soon she was only waking up once around 5am, and this gradually became later and later in the morning.
Towards the end of May, I had reduced the number of breastfeeds down to just the morning feed when Xuan wakes up. I still fed her, partly due to her frantic cries of “mama, mama!” At the very end, I also wanted to savour her closeness, touch her silky smooth cheeks and soft curls. Afterall, I also wanted to remember some good memories of breastfeeding Xuan.
31 May was the last day I breastfed Xuan. Xuan is finally weaned! I am so proud of my baby for weaning so well. I did not ever imagine that I could wean her with the minimum of tears, both hers and mine. I am also proud of myself, for being so disciplined and for sticking to the plan. In truth, I was afraid I would crumble and give up if it turned out to be too hard on Xuan. In fact, I had managed to wean Xuan earlier than the plan Nicole laid out for us. I would attribute this success to knowing Xuan’s temperament well, recognising that she was starting the self-soothe and building on that, and also Nicole’s Sleep Plan and encouragement. I need to add, that I am so, so happy, to be reacquainted with my long lost friend called “Sleep”! Now that I manage a decent 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night, I feel like a brand new mother.
Luckily for H, Xuan was weaned well before his week long holiday in mid-June. He did not have to suffer nights of sleep deprivation listening to Xuan cry (which would have been the worst holiday ever, in my books). Instead, we had a lovely holiday just chilling at home, enjoying some outings, catching up with friends, attended a couple of weddings, and even took Xuan to the Zoo.
As you have probably figured out, breastfeeding has been a constant source of struggle for me since the beginning. In the beginning, I was told not to have formula in the house and that colostrums was enough for the baby. Poor Xuan spent her first night at home crying from hunger. When Xuan was on formula, I tried all sorts of things (papaya soup, fenugreek, lots of pumping) to increase my milk supply so that she would be exclusively on breastmilk. I also delayed introducing the bottle to her as I was afraid she would get nipple confusion. Although I did not have common breastfeeding problems such as mastitis, sore nipples, I had another problem, a baby who only wanted my boob 24 hours, 7 days and nights a week.
By the time Xuan was one year old, I was desperate to wean but she refused to drink from the bottle and refused to drink formula. I was seriously sleep-deprived from existing on 3-4 hour stretches of sleep for more than a year. I was also resenting breastfeeding and dreading weaning (and the accompanying crying) at the same time. I even told H that I would not breastfeed our next child (if we have another child, currently Xuan is four handfuls).
In the end, weaning was not as bad as the nightmare I had built it up to be. But now that I have gone through this breastfeeding and weaning experience, there are some things that I would definitely do differently next time:
(1) Feed the poor hungry newborn baby formula if my milk has not come in
(2) Feed the baby from a bottle at least once a day (to ensure baby doesn’t reject the bottle and so that someone else can feed the baby)
(3) Be open to feeding the baby formula once a day, preferably at night (to help the baby become accustomed to drinking formula and also help baby sleep longer at night)
(4) Get someone else to help put baby to sleep
(5) Help baby to fall asleep herself/himself without relying on feeding
Thank goodness, this would be my last post on breastfeeding and weaning! And I will end this post World Cup style, our final score is Xuan 2: Mummy 2, both baby and mummy win!
Month 17: The Best Workout in The World, Weightloss Guaranteed
I have the secret to the best workout in the world. It doesn’t involve dieting, fasting, drinking foul concoctions or powdered “whole” meals, counting calories, popping pills, or exclusive gym membership with a personal trainer. On this workout, I lost 10kg in 5 months, my jeans that I’ve had before my wedding (when I was last the thinnest) are just about managing not to slide off my hips to the floor. In fact, I have had to buy a new pair of jeans, as I did not fancy flashing innocent passerbys in the shopping mall when I bent over to pick up my daughter.
My new secret workout is called Xuan. Mmm...perhaps this is a workout with a personal trainer, the personal trainer being a miniature trainer called Xuan! First off, I must warn you that this workout is not for the faint-hearted. Secondly, I must mention that this workout is very intense, it’s an all day marathon, sometimes all night too. Typically my workout starts at 9am and lasts until 6pm, when H comes home. When H comes home, we tag team until 10pm.
My programme is a comprehensive all rounder workout. It’s a marathon because it lasts at least 8 hours daily. It involves weight lifting an 8.5kg baby around the house. This does wonders for my bicep building. Even though our paediatrician laments that Xuan is too light at 8.5kg, it is still no small feat to heft 1/5 of your own weight up and down the stairs for naps, diaper changes and baths. I also do laps, and typically clock...oh...about 50 laps each time I prepare and cleanup after breakfast and lunch, running from the kitchen to the living room to check that Xuan is playing nicely (as oppose to climbing the grills), and back into the kitchen to get utensils / chop carrots / stir the pot / check the fire / wash dishes, before running back into the living room for a another peak.
I work all the major group muscles when I climb the stairs together with Xuan for the 238th time that day. Xuan does it for fun, I do it because I have no choice. I even target problem areas by doing deep knee bends and squats while picking Cheerios, rice, pieces of meat and the odd bit of vegetable off the floor, after each of Xuan’s meals.
Several times a day, I play a variety of sports such as chasing and diving to catch the ball before it rolls into the far reaches of the TV cabinet. I think my flexibility has improved after contorting my body in various positions, to reach the said ball lodged in the far reaches of the TV cabinet. Oh, don’t forget wrestling during diaper changes and wardrobe malfunctions, those are often rousing. This workout also improves my speed and responsiveness as I jump over hurdles of discarded toys while sprinting across the living room to prevent Xuan from diving off the end of our sofa, at split second notice.
Needless to say, all this exercise does have some hazardous side effects. Mainly, I am not sure how much more pounding and heart-stopping moments my heart can take trying to keep Xuan from flying, falling, knocking her head, etc. Not to mention the aches and pains from my neck, to my shoulders and down my back. Sometimes, I get cramps in my right palm and wrist from carrying her for too long. I’m pretty sure my left shoulder is partly dislocated. Actual war scars you can see are a couple of bit marks and a slew of bruises across my body.
At one point, I had numerous bruises appearing all over my body and I had no idea where they were coming from. I actually went to a clinic and did a blood test to rule out anaemia. Turns out I was not anaemic, I just needed to improve my coordination and be less klutzy!
When H is come during the weekend, our shared workout is a relay team event. See, this workout even teaches you the importance of team work! From the time we wake up, I change her diaper and prepare her breakfast while H...mmm...does his morning thing. Then we eat breakfast together and H washes our breakfast things while I enjoy my coffee. Then H watches Xuan while I do my morning thing. Then I watch her while he does the laundry and hangs the clothes outside. When he’s done, he will watch her while I prepare lunch, you get the idea.
By the time her bedtime comes around, we are so often more tired than she is. We will lie down and often fall asleep before she does, while Xuan runs circles around us, bounces on our stomach or climbs on our back. Please don’t ask me where Xuan gets her energy from. For someone who hardly eats, she has enough energy to power the world, that is how energy efficient she is. In fact, if we could find a way to market her energy conversion ( 1 unit of food to 1 trillion energy units) and efficiency, we could be millionaires and save the world from global warming too.
H and I think that we should market Xuan to people who want to lose weight. After looking after her daily for one month, her carer(s) would definitely drop a couple of kgs. One of H’s cousins is keen to try this out during her college break. I wanted to charge, but H thinks we should do it for free, since it’s so much work!
Aside from the weight loss though, there is another benefit to this workout that is unquantifiable and immeasurable. I think the best thing about this workout is the generous dose of feel good endorphins throughout the day, when I see Xuan’s cheeky face, her impish grin and delighted giggles. These moments definitely soothe away the aches and pains at the end of the day!
My new secret workout is called Xuan. Mmm...perhaps this is a workout with a personal trainer, the personal trainer being a miniature trainer called Xuan! First off, I must warn you that this workout is not for the faint-hearted. Secondly, I must mention that this workout is very intense, it’s an all day marathon, sometimes all night too. Typically my workout starts at 9am and lasts until 6pm, when H comes home. When H comes home, we tag team until 10pm.
My programme is a comprehensive all rounder workout. It’s a marathon because it lasts at least 8 hours daily. It involves weight lifting an 8.5kg baby around the house. This does wonders for my bicep building. Even though our paediatrician laments that Xuan is too light at 8.5kg, it is still no small feat to heft 1/5 of your own weight up and down the stairs for naps, diaper changes and baths. I also do laps, and typically clock...oh...about 50 laps each time I prepare and cleanup after breakfast and lunch, running from the kitchen to the living room to check that Xuan is playing nicely (as oppose to climbing the grills), and back into the kitchen to get utensils / chop carrots / stir the pot / check the fire / wash dishes, before running back into the living room for a another peak.
I work all the major group muscles when I climb the stairs together with Xuan for the 238th time that day. Xuan does it for fun, I do it because I have no choice. I even target problem areas by doing deep knee bends and squats while picking Cheerios, rice, pieces of meat and the odd bit of vegetable off the floor, after each of Xuan’s meals.
Several times a day, I play a variety of sports such as chasing and diving to catch the ball before it rolls into the far reaches of the TV cabinet. I think my flexibility has improved after contorting my body in various positions, to reach the said ball lodged in the far reaches of the TV cabinet. Oh, don’t forget wrestling during diaper changes and wardrobe malfunctions, those are often rousing. This workout also improves my speed and responsiveness as I jump over hurdles of discarded toys while sprinting across the living room to prevent Xuan from diving off the end of our sofa, at split second notice.
Needless to say, all this exercise does have some hazardous side effects. Mainly, I am not sure how much more pounding and heart-stopping moments my heart can take trying to keep Xuan from flying, falling, knocking her head, etc. Not to mention the aches and pains from my neck, to my shoulders and down my back. Sometimes, I get cramps in my right palm and wrist from carrying her for too long. I’m pretty sure my left shoulder is partly dislocated. Actual war scars you can see are a couple of bit marks and a slew of bruises across my body.
At one point, I had numerous bruises appearing all over my body and I had no idea where they were coming from. I actually went to a clinic and did a blood test to rule out anaemia. Turns out I was not anaemic, I just needed to improve my coordination and be less klutzy!
When H is come during the weekend, our shared workout is a relay team event. See, this workout even teaches you the importance of team work! From the time we wake up, I change her diaper and prepare her breakfast while H...mmm...does his morning thing. Then we eat breakfast together and H washes our breakfast things while I enjoy my coffee. Then H watches Xuan while I do my morning thing. Then I watch her while he does the laundry and hangs the clothes outside. When he’s done, he will watch her while I prepare lunch, you get the idea.
By the time her bedtime comes around, we are so often more tired than she is. We will lie down and often fall asleep before she does, while Xuan runs circles around us, bounces on our stomach or climbs on our back. Please don’t ask me where Xuan gets her energy from. For someone who hardly eats, she has enough energy to power the world, that is how energy efficient she is. In fact, if we could find a way to market her energy conversion ( 1 unit of food to 1 trillion energy units) and efficiency, we could be millionaires and save the world from global warming too.
H and I think that we should market Xuan to people who want to lose weight. After looking after her daily for one month, her carer(s) would definitely drop a couple of kgs. One of H’s cousins is keen to try this out during her college break. I wanted to charge, but H thinks we should do it for free, since it’s so much work!
Aside from the weight loss though, there is another benefit to this workout that is unquantifiable and immeasurable. I think the best thing about this workout is the generous dose of feel good endorphins throughout the day, when I see Xuan’s cheeky face, her impish grin and delighted giggles. These moments definitely soothe away the aches and pains at the end of the day!
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